1-1-3-God, Trainee and Me

1-1-3-God, Trainee and Me

Read Exodus 4:1-17

Moses reluctance and fear were caused by over anticipation.  He was worried about how the people might respond to him.  We often build up events in our minds and then panic over what might go wrong.  God does not ask us to go where he has not provided the means to help.  Go where he leads, trusting him to supply courage, confidence, and resources at the right moment.

While it is easy to assume God could cause or cure any kind of problem.  He saw that God indeed had all power and was commissioning him to exercise that power to lead the Hebrews out of Egypt.

Moses pleaded with God to let him out of his mission.  After all, he was not a good speaker and would probably embarrass both himself and God..  But God looked at Moses problem quite differently.  All Moses needed was some help, and who better than God could help him say and do the right things.

God made his mouth and would give him the words to say.  It is easy for us to focus on our weakness, but if God asks us to do something, then he will get the job done.  If the job involves some of our weak areas, then we can trust that he will provide words, strength, courage, and ability where needed.

When we face difficult or frightening situations, we must be willing to let God help us.

When feeling uncertain, some people need something to stabilize and reassure them.  For assurance when facing great trials, God has given promises from his Word and examples from great heroes of faith.  Any Christian may cling tightly to these.

What three objections does Moses raise here?

What do they sound like to you:
False issues
Legitimate ones
True humility
Stubborn resistance

What do you think of God's persuasive efforts?

When has God reassured you of his presence and power:
(a) At the outset of your spiritual life
(b) When you took some specific calling
(c) Making a tough decision
(d) Just last week, Explain

How has God reminded you of your created purpose?

What concerns do you still have about doing God's will or following his lead?

What do you hear God saying about your excuses?

Sharing Your Passion

Read Luke 12: 13-21

Thousands of people gathered around Jesus.  Yet he spoke to his disciples, letting the crowd overhear.

Believers shouldn't worry about the basic necessities of life.  If we keep God first in our lives, he will sustain us.  He is in control.

What worries consume your thoughts?  Turn them over to God... then breathe a sigh of relief and live for him.  Let God carry your burdens.

Where are your riches (name 2)?

What are two priorities for your life right now?

As far as your relationship with God is concerned, how would you describe it right now?

What does your spiritual bank account look like?

When we bring problems to God in prayer, He often does the same - showing us how we need to change and grow in our attitude toward the problem.  The answer is often not the one we are looking for, but it is more effective in helping us trace God's hand in our life.

Lead-In

The task of caring for others can be overwhelming.  It can be a huge responsibility and should not be entered into alone.  We are, however, never alone.  God is with us.

How is God present?

How can we benefit from that presence?

How can we communicate the benefits that come from God's presence to others?

  This will be an exciting module as we explore and experience God's dynamic presence among us and within us.

"Christian Leaders" are trainers for living a practical Christian lifestyle and as a Christian leader, you are never alone.  God is always present with you.

How is God Present?

God, who is present everywhere, still shows himself to be present in special ways at various times.  Here are ways you can experience this special presence of God in the training process.

Most certainly, God is hardly distant.  he, in the presence of Jesus Christ when He shares the problems of life.

He reminds you that he holds you, the trainee, the situation, and the whole world in his hands.  As you and the trainee each nestle in the comfort of God's presence, you experience his wholeness filling your being.

Practicallizing the Coach's Presence

Here is a way that you can draw from God's presence and put his presence into action.

By Verbalizing God's Presence

An important aspect of coming alive to God's presence is actually mentioning the fact of his presence.  God is certainly there and can be experienced even when he is not specifically identified or discussed.  When his presence in that training relationship is appropriately identified, however, it can become all the more significant.  Such verbalizing can open up new perspectives and avenues of training.

The First Contact

There are times when your email comes in, and you sense a situation is clearly an emergency, and crisis measures are necessary.  There are other times when someone does need help, but it isn't a situation that calls for your giving up your evening at home with the family.  Responding after prayer and finding a time to meet at your convenience may be perfectly appropriate.

Most of the time a husband or wife will want to talk with a leader alone, but if a couple needs help with their marriage and both are willing to come together, It is much preferred to be talking with them together.  Why?  Each knows what the other has said, and each has an opportunity to clarify the issues.

Unless you hear both sides of the issue, you cannot be certain that the person being described is exactly the one married to your trainee.  You must understand that what you are hearing is your trainee's perception of the situation, not necessarily what the situation actually is.  The two are often quite different.

Proverbs 18:17 says, "The first to present his case seems right, till another comes forward and questions him"  Reject the temptation to form a verdict until you hear from both parties.

When you are training, solo and cannot get the view of the second party in a conflict, you are limited but you can help your trainee cope or move in the right direction for help.

Where to Meet

Training needs to be comfortable and personal.  An office tends to be cold and clinical.  A living room usually isn't much of an improvement - too formal.  Chairs are too far apart, and it's too structured.  By way of contrast, your kitchen table puts you in a warm friendly environment.  It gets you reasonably close to your trainee, and gives you a surface to write on should you want to make notes.

If you do meet at a restaurant, try to give some thought to its environment.  You need quiet and a measure of privacy.

How Often to Meet

How  often and for what period of time should you try to respond?  Much of that depends on the nature of the problem which has brought your friend to you for help.  Problems which may have been building up over a long period of time are not dispatched with a single email message or even several.

What Can Your Trainee Expect from You??

You will want to take these statements and personalize them so that you are comfortable saying them.  You need to convey these ideas:

• I will do everything in my power to help you help yourself but I cannot promise an easy solution.

Problems of the spiritual can't be surgically removed, X-rayed, or submitted to CAT scans for immediate evaluation.  Difficulties which may have been in the making for months, or even years, will not disappear in a matter of a few weeks.  At the same time assure the friend there is a way out, and whether or not you see it at the moment, you will stay with the person until a solution is found.  The fact that you have hope gives confidence to a person who may have given up in a relationship.

• I will keep your confidence: you can trust me

The person who comes to you is pretty sure that you are trustworthy, but your making this commitment helps the friend risk being vulnerable enough to tell you exactly what is happening in his/her life.

Keep confidence with people who trust you enough to open their hearts to you.  Your failure to do this is not only a reflection of poor judgment but will ruin your friendship.

• I cannot help you unless I know where you hurt

Some people, however, really don't want help when they ask, "What do you think I should do?"  They may be seeking your opinion like a politician asking advice from his constituency.  What you think or say doesn't really matter, because they have already decided on a course of action.  They simply want to add your name to the roster of people who have endorsed their decision, provided you agree.

How do you know when a person is becoming psychologically dependent on you?  What do you do with the person who emails you everyday and writes for paragraphs giving you a word-by-word account of "He said..." and "I said..." and then "He said..."?

Suggestion: Write, "This is so important that we should talk about this in person.  Come over to my house Friday morning at ten.  We'll have a cup of coffee, and you can tell me all about it."  Your trainee, though, may be the mother of five and nursing the baby, as well as working part-time in the school cafeteria.  She can't be at your house on Friday at ten, but maybe she can join you at a chat room, or...

In such a case, outline a program of positive action, some kind of situation - improvement homework relating to the problem - a book or article which relates to the need of your friend, a pertinent verse of Scripture which you ask your friend to memorize, a tape which you want him or her to listen to.

Then when your trainee emails the next time, write, "Before we get into this today, I'd like to ask, 'Have you read the book (or memorized the verse or listened to the tape) I gave  you?'"  When the answer is "No," and you sense that the person wants only sympathy, and not help, say, "I can't really be effective in helping you until you read (or memorize or listen to) it.  When you do it, call me back and we'll get together."

There's one more issue you will eventually face.  When you succeed in helping someone, on occasion, the person you are helping begins to lean on you and becomes emotionally dependent on you.  You begin to feel smothered, and you realize it isn't good for the person you are helping either.  Symptoms are daily emails, consultations before even the smallest decisions are made, and the constant need of approval of what the person considers.

When a child learns to walk, a parent offers support and help, but gradually as the child becomes stronger, the parent offers support and help, but gradually as the child becomes stronger, the parent doesn't have to provide the same help.  That is the way it must be with those we train.  Understanding the goals of training and helping a person move toward psychological independence will free both you and him/her from that dependent relationship.

The Trainer and Training

Training, of course can be very gratifying work, but it doesn't take long for any of us to discover that training also is emotionally draining, hard work.  It involves intensive concentration and sometimes brings feelings of pain as we see so many people hurting.  When these people fail to improve, as often happens, it is easy to blame ourselves, try harder and wonder what went wrong.  As more and more needy people come for lifestyle training, there is a tendency to keep increasing our training load, thus pushing ourselves closer to the limits of our endurance.  Sometimes the trainee's problems remind us of our own insecurities or conflicts and this can threaten our stability or feelings of self-worth.  Little wonder that training is seen as both a fulfilling and a hazardous ministry.

The Trainers Motivation

Why do you want to train?  Some Christian trainers, especially pastors, have been thrust into this work by people who have come unsolicited for help with their problems.  Other trainers have encouraged trainees to seek help and have taken special training so they can help  those in need.  This effort was based on the valid assumption that training is one of  the most effective ways to minister to others, offering them a better "Quality of Life."  As we have seen, the Bible commands mutual caring and this surely involves training.  A sincere desire to help people to grow spiritually is a valid reason for becoming a trainer, but there are other reasons which motivate trainers and which interfere with their training effectiveness:

1. Curiosity - The Need for Information.  In describing their problems, trainees often give interesting tidbits of information which might not be shared otherwise.  When a trainer is curious he or she sometimes forgets the trainee, pushes for extra information and often is unable to keep confidences.  For these reasons, people prefer to avoid curious trainers.

2. The Need for Relationships.  Everyone needs closeness and intimate contacts with at least two or three other people.  For some trainees, the trainer will be their closest friend, at least temporarily.  But what if trainers have no close friends apart from trainees?  In such cases the trainer's need for a relationship may hinder the helping.  The trainer does not really want trainees to improve and terminate training since this would terminate the relationship.  If you look for opportunities to prolong the training, to call the trainee, or to get together socially, the relationship may be meeting your needs for companionship as much (or more) as it is helping the trainee.  At this point the trainer - trainee involvement has ceased to be a ministry relationship. 

3. The Need for Power. The authoritarian trainer likes to "straighten out" others, give advice (even when it is not requested), and play the "problem solver" role.  Some dependent trainees may want this but they are not helped if their lives are controlled by someone else.  And most people eventually will resist the controller type of trainer.  He or she is not really a Christian leader/minister/trainer.

4. The Need to Rescue.  The rescuer takes responsibility away from the trainee by demonstrating an attitude which says "you can't handle this; let me do it for you."  This has been called the "do-good," messiah approach.  It may satisfy the trainee for a while but it rarely helps permanently.  When the rescue technique fails (as often happens) the trainer feels guilty and inadequate - like a messiah unable to save the lost.

It is probable that every perceptive trainer will experience these tendencies at times but such tendencies  must be resisted.  When a person comes for training he or she takes the risk of sharing personal information and committing themselves to the trainer's care.  The trainer violates this trust and hence undermines training effectiveness if the training relationship is used primarily to satisfy the trainer's own needs.

The Trainer's Effectiveness

Is it possible for every Christian to be an effective trainer or is training a gift which is reserved for selected members in the body of Christ?  According to the Bible all believers should have compassionate concern for their fellow human beings.  In this respect, training is like teaching.  Every parent has a responsibility for teaching children, but only some are especially gifted as teachers.

In Romans 12:8 we read of the gift of exhortation (paraklesis), a word which means "coming alongside to help," and implies such activities as admonishing, supporting and encouraging others.  This is listed among the spiritual gifts which some people have and others do not.  Those who have and are developing this gift will see positive results in their ministering as people are helped and the church is built up.  If training seems to be your special gift, praise God and learn to do it better.  If your training seems ineffective, perhaps God has gifted you in some other way.  This does not excuse anyone from being a Christian lifestyle trainer but it may encourage some people to put their major efforts elsewhere and leave most training opportunities, whenever possible, to those who are more gifted in that area.

Clearly we need each other and Christian lifestyle training is a part - but only a part - of the functioning Church.  We help people by training, but we also help by evangelism, teaching, social concern, and other aspects of the ministry.

The Trainer's Role.

Training, especially pastoral training, sometimes becomes ineffective because the trainer does not have a clear picture of is or her role and responsibilities.  Several potential areas of role confusion are:

1. Visiting Instead of Training.  Visiting is a friendly, mutual sharing.  Training is a challenge-centered, goal-directed conversation which focuses primarily on the needs of one person, the trainee.  All training will involve periodic visiting but when visiting is prolonged or primary, training to deal with challenges are avoided and training effectiveness is reduced.

2. Being Hasty Instead of Deliberate. Busy, goal-directed people often want to hury the training process to a quick and successful termination.  It is true that trainers should not waste time but it is also true that training cannot be rushed.  "Much of any trainer's success rests upon his own quiet, thoughtful attention to what the trainee is saying.  His poise is often a resource of strength for the troubled person ....  If the trainer is hurried, or divided in his attention, his remarks of encouragement are likely to be taken with the suspicion that he is only saying something the trainee wants to hear so he can get on to something else.
   "A relaxed and deliberate pace also makes the trainee feel the undivided attention and serious interest of his trainer ....  When the trainer is hasty and hurried, he is inclined to formulate judgments based on immature impressions ....  Deliberation cannot be accomplished if one is in a hurry to get finished with the challenge."

3. Being Disrespectful Instead of Sympathetic.  Some trainers quickly categorize people (for example, as a "carnal Christian," a "divorcee," or a "sinner") and then dismiss individuals with a quick confrontation or rigid advice.  No one likes to be treated with such disrespect and the helper who does not listen sympathetically is unlikely to train effectively.

4. Being Judgmental Instead of Unbiased.  There are times when trainees must be confronted about the sin or unusual behavior in their lives, but this is not the same as preaching and condemning  in the training office.  When trainee's feel attacked they either defend themselves (often in anger) with a "what's the use?" attitude, or they go along with the trainer temporarily and grudgingly.  None of these kinds of reactions contributes to trainee's growth and all are in response to a training technique which usually reflects the trainer's own anxiety, uncertainty, or need to control.  Jesus is described as one who was "touched with the feelings of our infirmities."  He never winked at sin, but he understood sinners and always showed kindness and respect to those, like the woman at the well, who were willing to learn, repent and change their behavior.

5. Overloading the Session Instead of Pacing the Training. With his or her enthusiasm for ministering, the trainer sometimes attempts to do too much in one session.  This overwhelms the trainee and leads to confusion.  Since it is probably true that trainees can only assimilate one or two major insights in each session, the training should be paced, even if this means shorter but more frequent sessions.

6. Being Directive Instead of Interpretive.  This is a common error and, as we have seen, may reflect the trainer's unconscious need to dominate.  When trainees are told what to do, they confuse the Christian trainer's opinion with the will of God, feel guilty and incompetent if they don't follow the advice, and never learn how to mature spiritually and emotionally to the point where they can make decisions without the help of a trainer.  The trainer and trainee must work together as a team in which the trainer serves as a teacher-coach whose eventual goal is to withdraw from the playing field.

7. Being Emotionally Involved Instead of Remaining Objective. There is a fine line between caring and becoming too involved to be helpful when a trainee is exceptionally disturbed, confused, or struggling with a problem that is similar to the trainer's own struggles.  Then there is a tendency to worry and to let trainees interrupt our schedules at their convenience.  Such emotional involvement can cause the trainer to lose objectivity and this in turn reduces training effectiveness.  At times compassionate people will not be able to avoid emotional involvement but the Christian trainer can resist this tendency by viewing the training as a helping ministry relationship that clearly is limited in terms of issues such as length of appointments, number of conversations, resistance to touching, and so on.  This is not designed to se the trainer apart.  It is intended to help keep him or her objective enough to be helpful.

8. Being Defensive Instead of Empathic.  At times most trainers feel threatened in training.  When we are criticized, unable to help, made to feel guilty, anxious or in danger of being harmed, our ability to listen empathically is hindered.  When empathy goes, so does much of our training effectiveness.

The trainer must maintain a vigilant attitude if he or she is to avoid these eight hazards.  As Christian trainers we honor God by doing the best job possible, by apologizing when we make mistakes, and by using our mistakes as learning situations and stepping stones to improvement.

If, in our desire to help, we have slipped into unhealthy counseling roles, we must restructure the relationship, at times even telling people how we intend to change (by such actions as setting more rigid counseling time, refusing to drop everything else when the trainee calls, being lesss directive, and so on).  This restructuring is always difficult because it often involves taking back something which has been given.  The alternative is further role confusion and ineffective training.  "The most important concept to keep in mind is that Christ is really the Trainer; we are His agents doing His work, representing Him.  His Holy Spirit is our Comforter and Guide and will lead us to deliver those He has brought to us for help."

The Trainer's Vulnerability

Trainee would be easier if we could assume that every trainee wanted help, was honest, and would cooperate fully in the training.  Regretfully this does not always happen.  Some trainees have a conscious or unconscious desire to manipulate, frustrate, or not cooperate.  This is a difficult discovery for trainer who wants to succeed and whose success chiefly comes when people change.  It is always difficult to work with people like this, especially when the people might not cooperate.  By agreeing to help we are opening ourselves to the possibility of power struggles, exploitation and failure.

There are at least two major ways in which people frustrate the trainer and increase his or her vulnerability.

1.  Manipulation.  Some people are masters at getting their own way by controlling others.  Manipulated trainers are rarely helpful trainers.  People who attempt to manipulate the trainer have often made manipulation a way of life.  They do it subtly and well but they are not free to live apart from deception and the art of controlling.  The trainer must challenge these tactics, refuse to be moved by them, and teach more satisfying ways of relating to others.

It is wise to ask continually: "Am I being manipulated?"  "Am I going beyond my responsibilities as a trainer?"  "What does this trainee really want?"  Sometimes people claim that they want help with a challenge but they really want your attention and time, your approval of sinful or otherwise harmful behavior, or your support as an ally in some family conflict.  Sometimes people come because they believe that concerned mates, family members and employers will stop complaining about the trainee's behavior if it appears that training is taking place.  When you suspect such dishonesty and manipulation it is wise to raise this with the trainee, expect denial, and then structure the training in a way that prevents manipulation and exploitation of the counselor in the future.  Remember that truly helpful training is not always pleasing to the trainee or convenient for the trainer, but it does contribute to the growth and development of the person who comes for help.  It doubtlessly is true that "people who are genuine in their desire for help are seldom demanding," dishonest or manipulative.

2.  Resistance.  people sometimes come for help because they want immediate relief from pain but when they discover that permanent relief might require time, effort and greater pain they resist training.  Some times the challenges provide benefits which the trainee is unwilling to give up (personal attention from others, for example, or disability compensation, decreased responsibility, or more subtle gratifications such as punishment or the opportunity to make life difficult for others).  Since successful training would take away these benefits the trainee does not cooperate.  Then there are people who get a sense of power and accomplishment by frustrating the efforts of others - such as lifestyle trainers.  These people often convince themselves, " I'm beyond help - but then that trainer who couldn't succeed with me isn't any good either."  So the trainer continues to train, the trainee pretends to cooperate, but no one gets better.

Resistance is a powerful force which often requires in-depth lifestyle training.  When trainers begin to work, the trainee's defenses are threatened and this leads to anxiety, anger and non-cooperation which sometimes is not even conscious.  When trainee's are relatively well-adjusted this resistance can be discussed gently and openly.  Let the trainee know that he or she (not the trainer) is responsible ultimately for improvement or non-improvement.  The trainer provides a structured relationship, avoids getting on the defensive, and must recognize that one's effectiveness as a trainer (and certainly as a person is not always correlated with the improvement rate of trainee.

We can remain alert to potential challenges when we frequently as ourselves (and each other) questions such as the following:

• Why do I say this is the worst (or best) person I have ever trained?

• Is there a reason why I or the trainee is always late?

• Is there a reason why I or the trainee wants more (or less) time than we had agreed previously??

• Do I overreact to statements this trainee makes?

• Do I feel bored when I am with this person?  Is the problem with me or with the trainee, or both?

• Why do I always disagree (or agree) with the trainee?

• Do I find myself wanting to end this relationship or to hold on to it even though it should end?

• Am I beginning to feel too much sympathy for the trainee?

• Do I think about the trainee frequently between sessions, daydream about him or her, or show more than average interest in the trainee's problem?  Why?

The Trainer's Sexuality

Whenever two people work closely together towards a common goal, feelings of interest and warmth often arise between them.  When these people are of similar background, and especially when they are of the opposite sex, the feelings of warmth almost always have a sexual component.  This sexual attraction between trainer and trainee has been called "the challenge ministers don't talk about."  But it is a problem that almost all trainers encounter, at times, whether or not they talk about it with others.

Training often involves the discussion of intimate details which would never be discussed elsewhere - especially between a man and a woman who are not married to each other.  This can be sexually arousing to both the trainer and trainee.  The potential for immorality is even greater if the trainee is attractive and/or tends to be seductive, if the trainer is not having emotional and sexual needs met elsewhere, if the trainee indicates that he or she really needs the trainer, and/or if the training involves detailed discussions of sexually arousing material.  The wise trainer would make special effort at self-control:

1.  Spiritual Protection.  Meditation on the Word of God, prayer (including the intercession of others) and reliance on the Holy Spirit to protect us are all crucially important.  In addition, trainers should watch what they do with their minds.  There is also value in finding another believer to whom you can regularly be accountable for your actions.

2.  Awareness of Danger Signals. There are several clues that can indicate a potential shift from lifestyle training to dangerous intimacy.  This includes:

• the communication of subtle messages of a more intimate quality (smiles, raising of the eyebrow, physical touches, and so on);

• the desire of both the trainer and trainee to maintain the relationship'

• eagerness, especially by the trainee, to divulge details of sexual experiences or fantasies;

• The trainer's permitting himself or herself to be manipulated by the trainee;

• the trainer's recognition that he or she needs to see the trainee (this is a sign of going under);

• increasing frustrations in the trainer's own marriage; and

• the lengthening of time and frequency of interviews, sometimes supplemented by telephone calls.

3.  Limit Setting.  When the sexual attraction is present and recognize the trainer can stop the training, make a referral, or even discuss these feelings with the trainee.  Before any of this, however, it is best to set some clear limits.  Clearly prescribe the frequency and length of training sessions, then stick with these limits; refuse to engage in long telephone conversations;  discourage lengthy detailed discussions of sexual topics; avoid physical contact; and meet in a place and seat yourself in a way which discourages wandering eyes or an opportunity for personal intimacies.

4.  Examining Attitudes.  There is nothing to be gained by denying sexual feelings.  They are common, often embarrassing and quite arousing but controllable.  Remember the following:

1. Social Consequences. Yielding to sexual temptation can ruin one's reputation, marriage, and training effectiveness.  This realization can be an important deterrent.

2. Image.  Remember that you are a Christian leader/trainer, a Child of God and a ambassador of His kingdom, and a maturing man or woman of God.

3. Theological Truth.  Sexual involvements outside of marriage are sins and must be avoided.

We may complain that "the devil made me do it," but the devil only tempts.  he never MAKES us do anything.  We choose to sin by deliberating and acting contrarily to the promptings of the Holy Spirit, who resides within the believer and is greater than Satan.  This is important for both trainers and trainees to realize.

5.  Support Group Protection.  Effective coping involves an honest recognition of the sexual attraction.  Then there is great value in discussing this with one or two trusted confidants.  First on the list should be one's spouse.  A good marriage does not prevent one's being sexually attracted to a trainee, but it has a significant influence on the trainee's ability to cope.

The Trainer's Spiritual Relationship.

The greatest available source of strength and wisdom for Christian leaders/trainers is - the Holy Spirit, who guides and dwells in the life of each believer.  Also, the Bible describes Jesus Christ as the Wonderful Counselor.  He is the trainer's counselor - ever available to encourage, direct and give His wisdom to human people - helpers.  It repeating that the truly effective Christian leader/trainer is basically a skilled and available instrument through whom the Holy Spirit works to change lives.  When the trainer's work brings anxieties and confusion, these can be cast on God himself, who has promised to sustain and help.  Daily prayer and Bible reading keep us in active communication with the One who is our own advisor and trainer.

Throughout the Bible, however, we see that God also works through other human beings.  He helps trainers through other people with whom the trainer can share, maintain perspective, relax - and occasionally cry.  Without the support, encouragement and viewpoint of a trusted Christian friend, the trainer's work is likely to be more difficult and less effective.  Often two or more trainers can meet regularly to sustain and pray for each other.  If you lack such a relationship ask God to help you find a colleague with whom you can share.  Training can be fulfilling work but it is not easy.  The sooner this is recognized and faced honestly, the more satisfying will be one's ministry, and the more effective will be one's lifestyle training.

Personal Strengths Inventory

"If the Lord had to wait until I made no mistakes, then I'd never be singing this song."  So says Christian recording artist Lily Green.  This helps us understand a very important issue within the Kingdom of God.  How does God choose His servants?

If we took a poll among church going people (often called a time and talent survey) the results would indicate that we think God is looking for people who are far more highly gifted than we are.  Ask a member of any church's nominating committee in search of officers to serve and we would find the perception that God needs people who are not nearly as busy as we consider ourselves to be.  Ask Moses and he would recommend someone who is more polished speaker than he was.

You get the point.  We all seem to be better at disqualifying ourselves for service than we are at saying, "Here am I, send me."

Why is that?  Are we really that busy?  Are we truly so clumsy we would botch any assignment the Lord would give/  Or do we just honestly believe we are too ordinary to do the Lord's work?

Let it be amazingly obvious that for God to use anyone, he or she is going to be a sinner.  That disqualifies "perfect" people.  And, since none of us is perfect, we are all in the running for being instruments in the hand of God.

As far as being "special" goes, what does that mean?  What is special in the eyes of God?  Are we not all special enough to prompt Him to send His only begotten Son to die on the cross to save each one of us?

What God looks for in His servants is that we be willing to serve.  He is looking for ordinary people, like any one of us, who will step out in faith and be used for the purposes of God.

Jesus speaks in parables of people with ten talents, five talents, and one talent.  Where do you see yourself?  Your humility will move you to count yourself among those with one talent ability.  You are probably correct.  Just make sure you do not jump to the conclusion that this is not important.  How many five-talent people do you personally know?  Chances are good you know even fewer ten-talent people, if any at all.  That is because there are not that many!

The point is, if a group is filled with one-talent people and they never offer their service because they are waiting for more talented people to emerge, little ministry will get done.  Our willingness to present to God our ordinary abilities is the vital first step in God using, blessing, and multiplying our gifts and turning them into extra-ordinary means of reaching others to the glory of God.

As Christian leaders it is our very purpose in life to glorify God.  There is no greater privilege and no greater joy than to know that we are fulfilled by being His servants.  When we gladly and freely give ourselves to Him, God is pleased, we are fulfilled, and others are benefited.

When God is allowed to use us we become very extraordinary.  How amazing!  How ironic that such ordinary people can do such great things as servants of such an awesome God.  The first step in this process, is to be sure what is the gift God has given us.  Let us take that first step.

In each group, check each word or phrase that describes a consistent character trait of yours.  Total the number checked in each box, then double your score.

L

Takes charge
Bold
Determined
Purposeful
Assertive
Decision maker
Firm
Leader
Enterprising
Goal driven
Competitive
Self reliant
Enjoys challenges
Adventurous
Let's do it now

Double number checked

B

Deliberate
Discerning
Controlled
Detailed
Reserved
Analytical
Predictable
Inquisitive
Practical
Precise
Orderly
Persistent
Factual
Scheduled
How was it done in the past?

Double number checked

O

Takes risks
Fun-loving
Visionary
Likes variety
Motivator
Enjoys change
Energetic
Creative
Very verbal
Group oriented
Promoter
Mixes easily
Avoids detail
Optimistic
Trust me! It'll work out

Double number checked

G

Loyal
Adaptable
Nondemanding
Sympathetic
Even keel
Thoughtful
Avoids conflict
Nurturing
Enjoys routine
Patient
Dislikes change
Tolerant
Deep relationships
Good listener
Let's keep things the way they are.

Double number checked

Rank yourself as to the highest to the lowest scores and then check out your strengths below:

Strengths of a G

1. All G's are loyal.

2. G's have a strong need for close relationship.

3. G's have a deep need to please others.

4. G's have hearts full of Compassion

5. G's define the word adaptable.

6. G's often react to sudden changes.

7. G's hold stubbornly to what they feel is right.

8. G's can absorb the most emotional pain and still maintain their commitment to another person.  The same compassionate heart that can spot the hurts of others can be easily hurt by others as well.

Strengths of an O

1. O's just want to have fun.

2. O's are great at motivating others to action.

3. O's tend to avoid the fine print.

4. O's focus on the future.

5. O's tend to avoid confrontation at all costs.

6. O's are tremendous networkers.

7. O's are very susceptible to peer pressure.

8. O's need to realize that while keeping things light is fine, they can't do it all the time.  It's like asking someone to live on cake icing all the time.

Strengths of a B

1. B's keep a close watch on their emotion.

2. B's actually read instruction books.

3. B's like to make careful decisions.

4. B's like using their critical skills to solve problems.

5. B's live by the motto "let's do it right!"

6. B's often turn anger inward.

7. B's tend to focus on the past.

8. B's need to learn that it's all right to fail and that it's healthy to call for help when they're struggling.

Strengths of a L

1. L's are born leaders.

2. L's like to accomplish things with immediate results.

3. L's time frame is now!

4. L's are decisive

5. L's want Reader's Digest length communication.

6. L's often feel threatened by questions.

7. L's are not afraid or pressure or confrontation

8. L's can be so strong that they win every verbal battle but end up losing the war for the trainee's heart.

Quality of Life

What Leaders Do

Our hope is that, in reading our lessons, people will gain a clear sense of their role as Christian Leaders and will be able to focus their energies on that which God is calling them to do.

What is Leadership?

The following is a small sampling of the diversity of helpful definitions that have been offered:

• "A Christian leader is someone who is called by God to lead; leads with and through Christlike character; and demonstrates the functional competencies that permit effective leadership to take place."  George Barna, Leaders  on Leadership.

• "The central task of leadership is influencing God's people toward God's purposes."  Robert Clinton, The making of a Leader.

To be a Christian leader is just as essential in the marketplace as in the church.  Christian leaders are directed by the Holy Spirit, not by their own agendas.  Christian leaders do not try to satisfy the goals and ambitions of the people they lead but those of the God they serve.  Leaders who make no difference in their followers' lives are not actually leaders.

Today's leaders need help in knowing how to exert an influence that is according to God's will.  One wonders if a person has truly led until someone has followed, and more importantly, until God's purposes are advanced.  God chose to use the weak of this world to demonstrate his strength (1 Cor. 1;26-27; 2 Cor. 12:9-10).

The Christian nature of leadership is that God's people are led toward God's purposes.  God's purposes are the key to Quality of Life - the dreams and visions of leaders are not.  Christian leaders know they must give an account of their leadership to God; therefore, they are not satisfied merely moving toward the destination God has for them; they want to see God actually achieve his purposes through them for their generation (2 Cor. 5:10-11).

The Christian Leader's Task

Quality of Life is moving people on to God's agenda.

1. The Christian Leader's task is to move people from where they are to where God wants them to be.  Once Christian leaders understand God's will, they make every effort to move their followers from following their own agendas to pursuing God's purposes.  People who fail to move people on to God's agenda have not led.  They will not have led unless their people have adjusted their lives to God's will.  When Christian leaders have done their jobs, the people around them have encountered God and obeyed his will.

2. Christian Leaders depend on the Holy Spirit.  Christian leaders work within a paradox, for God calls them to do something that, in fact, only God can do.  Ultimately, Christian leaders cannot produce spiritual change in people; only the Holy Spirit can accomplish this.  Yet the Spirit often uses people to bring about spiritual growth in others.  Leaders seek to move people on to God's plan, all the while being aware that only the Holy Spirit can ultimately accomplish the task.

3. Christian leaders are accountable to God.  Quality of Life necessitates an acute sense of accountability.  Leaders don't make excuses.  They assume their responsibility is to move people to do God's will.  Until they do this, they have not yet fulfilled their role as leaders.

4. Christian leaders can influence all people, not just Christians.  God is on a mission at the local factory as well as at the local church.  His plan applies in the marketplace as well as at the local church.  His plan applies in the marketplace as well as the meeting place.  God can also use them to exert significant godly influence upon unbelievers.  History is replete with examples of Christian men and women exerting Quality of Life upon secular society.  Quality of Life occurs down the middle of everyday life.

5. Christian Leaders work from God's plan.  The greatest obstacle to effective Quality of Life is people pursuing their own plans rather than seeking God's will.  God is working throughout the world to achieve his purposes and to advance his kingdom.  God's concern is not to advance leaders' dreams and goals or to build their kingdoms. His purpose is to turn his people away from their self-centeredness and their sinful desires and to draw them into a relationship with himself.

Too often, people assume that along with the role of leader comes the responsibility of determining what should be done.  They develop aggressive goals.  They dream grandiose dreams.  They cast grand visions.  Then they pray and ask God to join them in their agenda and to bless their efforts.  That's not what Christian leaders should do.  Christian leaders should seek God's will, whether it is for their organization or for a secular corporation, and they marshal their people to pursue God's plan.

The key to Quality of Life, then, is for Christian leaders to understand God's word and will for them and for their organizations in life.  Leaders then move people away from their own plans and on to God's.  It sounds simple enough, but the truth is that many Christian leaders fail to put this basic truth into practice.  Too often leaders allow, what they think is right in leadership to corrupt the Straightforward model set forth by Jesus.

Jesus as the Model

Even secular writers recognize Jesus as a compelling model of good leadership.  Numerous scholars have attempted to explain Jesus' leadership style.  Scholars have developed complete leadership systems and leadership training models based on what they discovered as they examined Jesus' methods of leadership.  Jesus life sis so profound and so beyond our common experience that we must continually reexamine it, lest we assume Jesus operated merely by leadership theory that we value today.

Jesus did not develop a plan nor did he cast a vision.  He sought his Father's will.  Jesus had a vision for himself and for his disciples, but the vision came from his Father.  The key to Jesus' leadership was the relationship he had with his Father.

Scripture indicates that as a young man, Jesus "grew in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and men" (Luke 2:52 NIV).  In other words, Jesus developed his relationship with God the Father as well as with people.  But, Jesus did not allow people's opinions to sidetrack him from his mission (Mark 1:37-38).  Jesus, however, was never required to develop ministry goals or action plans.  He was sent to follow the FATHER'S plan, to the letter.

Jesus understood that he was to facilitate the relationship between his disciples and his Father.  His task was to bring his disciples face to face with the Father so they could develop the the same intimate relationship with him that Jesus enjoyed (John 14:8-11).

It is incredible that Jesus, the wisest teacher of all time, would recognize his Father's strategy and not his own as the impetus behind any break-through in his disciples' spiritual understanding!

Summary

Jesus has established the model for Christian leaders.  it is not found in his "methodology."  Rather, it is seen in his absolute obedience to the Father's will.  Current leadership theory suggests good leaders are also good followers, and this is particularly true of Christian leaders.  Christian leaders understand that God is their leader.  If Jesus provides the model for Quality of Life, then the key is not for leaders to develop visions and to set the direction for their organizations.  The key is to obey and to preserve everything the Father reveals to them of his will.  Ultimately, the Father is the leader.  God has the vision of what He wants to do.  God does not ask leaders to dream big dreams for him or to solve the problems that confront HIM.  He asks leaders to walk with him so intimately that, when he reveals what is in his plan, they will immediately adjust their lives to his will and the results will bring glory to God.  This is not he model many religious leaders, let alone business leaders, follow today, but it encompasses what biblical leadership is all about.

Is it possible for God to guide leaders so that their actions, and even their words, are not theirs? but his?  Yes.  Does God have a plan for what he wants to see happen in your life?  he does.  Our prayer should be that which Jesus instructed his disciples to pray: "Your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven" (Matt 6:10 NIV).  if Christians around the world were to suddenly renounce their personal plans, their life's goals and their desires, and begin responding in radical obedience to everything God showed them, the world would be turned upside down.  How do we know?  Because that's what early Christian History shows us, and the world is still being impacted by it.

God's Messages

• 1 Corinthians 1:26-27; 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

• 2 Corinthians 5:10-11

• John 5:19-20, 30

• Luke 6:12-13

• John 17:6-7

Student Prayer

Dear God, please assist us in our attempts to live as you have instructed.  Help us to be a glory and an honor to you.  May we do nothing to bring shame to your Holy name.  Amen.

Email address:

Homework

1.  Write a fictitious story; about a person who is a troubled leader in his or her training.  In your story talk about the leaders pain or struggle, about the training process and about the outcome.

2.  Pick a Promise.  Read over the list of special promises in scripture and pick one that you need for the week ahead.  Then explain why, including the verse.

"Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know." (Jeremiah 33:3)

"Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.  See, I am doing a new thing!  Now it springs up, do you not perceive it?  I am making a way in the dessert and streams in the wasteland!" (Isaiah 43: 18-19)

"And God is able to make all grace abound to you so that in all things at all times having all that you need, you will abound in every good work." (2 Corinthians 9:8)

"Therefore if anyone is in Christ he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!" (2 Corinthians 5:17)

"And we know that in all things Good works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." (Romans 8:28)

"...but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.  They soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint!" (Isaiah 40:31)

"To temptation has seized you except what is common to man.  And God is faithful;  he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear.  But when you are tempted, he will provide a way out so that you can stand up under it!" (1 Corinthians 10:13)

"Here I am! I stand at the door and knock.  If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come and eat with him and he with me." (Revelations 3:20)

"The LORD will guide you always, he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame.  You will be like a well watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail." (Isaiah 58:11)

"...Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." (Phillipians 1:6)

3.  Dear God, I want to thank you for:

4.  Here is the concern I want to pray about:

Living Sacrifices

Read Romans 12: 1-8

Paul told the Roman Christians how to live so that their behavior would be worshipful to God.

God desires you to surrender every part of your life to him.

What particular sin stalks you?  When does it seize you with temptation?  As a safeguard, memorize Romans 12:1-2.  Whenever you feel tempted, repeat these verses in your mind and by God's power plan not to sin.

God wants us to offer ourselves, as living sacrifices-daily  laying aside our own desires to follow him, putting all our energy and resources at his disposal and trusting him to guide us.

God has good, pleasing, and perfect plans for his children.  He wants us to be transformed people with renewed minds, living to honor and obey him.  Because he wants only what is best for us, we should joyfully give ourselves as living sacrifice for his service.

Only when the Holy Spirit renews, reeducates, and redirects our minds are we truly transformed.  God gives us gifts so we can build up his church.  To use them effectively, we must (1) realize that all gifts and abilities come from God; (2) understand that not everyone has the same gifts; (3) know who we are and what we do best; (4) dedicate our gifts to God's service and not to our personal success; (5) be willing to utilize our gifts wholeheartedly, not holding back anything from God's service.

God's gifts differ in nature, power, and effectiveness according to his plan and graciousness not according to our faith.  God will give spiritual power necessary and appropriate to carry out each responsibility.  We cannot, by our own effort or willpower, drum up more faith and thus be more effective teachers or servants.  These are God's gifts to his church, and he gives faith and power as he wills. Our role is to be faithful and to seek ways to serve others with what Christ has given us.

Look at this list of gifts and imagine the kinds of people who would have each gift.  Prophets are often bold and articulate.  Servers (those in ministry) are faithful and loyal.  Teachers are clear thinkers.  Encouragers know how to motivate others.  Givers are generous and trusting.  leaders are good organizers and managers.  Those who show mercy are caring people who are happy to give their time to others.  It would be difficult for one person to embody all these gifts.  And assertive prophet would not usually make a good counselor,  and a generous giver might fail as a leader.  When you identify your own gifts, ask how you can use them to build up God's family.  At the same time realize that your gifts can't do the work of the church all alone.  Be thankful for people whose gifts are completely different from yours.  Let your strengths balance their weakness, and be grateful that their abilities make up for your deficiencies.  Together you can build Christ's church.

5.  What does this add to your understanding of true worship?

6.  How can you present your body as a living sacrifice in everyday life?

7.  How does this relate to using your gifts?