1-1-12-The Bible

\1-1-12-The Bible

(Mt. 7:20)
"Thus, by their fruit you will recognize them."

We should evaluate teachers' words by examining their lives. Just as trees are consistent in the kind of  fruit they produce, good teachers consistent in the kind of fruit they produce, good teachers consistently exhibit good behavior, and high moral character as they attempt to live out the truth of Scripture.  This does not mean we should have witch-hunts, throwing out church school teachers, pastors, and others who are less than perfect.  Every one of us is subject to sin, and we must show the same mercy to others that we need for ourselves.  When Jesus talks about bad trees, he means teachers who deliberately teach false doctrine.  We must examine the teachers motives, the direction they are taking and the result they are seeking.

Jesus called his hearers to put his teaching into practice.  Jesus advised: do to others what you want them to do to you.  If you hear and obey Jesus' words, you are like a wise man who builds his house on a rock.

God saves men by His sovereign grace through the Atonement of Jesus;; He works in us to will and to do of His good pleasure; but we have to work out that salvation in practical living.  If once we start on the basis of His Redemption to do what He commands, we find that we can do it.  If we fail, it is because we have not practised.  The crisis will reveal whether we have been practising or not.  If we obey the Spirit of God and practise in our physical life what God has put in us by His Spirit, then when the crisis comes, we shall find that our own nature as well as the grace of God will stand by us.

Thank God He does give us difficult things to do!  His salvation is a glad thing, but it is also a heroic, holy thing.  It tests us for all we are worth.  Jesus is bringing many "sons" unto glory, and God will not shield us from the requirements of a son.  God's grace turns out men and women with a strong family likeness to Jesus Christ, not milksops.  It takes a tremendous amount of discipline to live the noble life of a disciple of Jesus in actual things.  It is always necessary to make an effort to be noble.

(From My Utmost for His Highest by Oswald Chambers)

Are you a champion of the Golden Rule, or are you a rookie?  Try to apply the rule while on the phone with a client, after work with friends, at the Little-League baseball game, or wherever else you encounter people today.  Try to enrich each relationship with it.

(Mt. 24:23-24)
"At that time if anyone says to you; 'Look here is the Christ!!' or 'There he is!' do not believe it.  For false Christs and false prophets will appear and perform great signs and miracles to deceive even the elect-if that were possible."

Jesus' warnings about false teachers still hold true.  Upon close examination it becomes clear that many nice-sounding messages don't agree with God's message in the Bible.  Only a solid foundations in God's Word can equip us to perceive the errors and distortions in false teaching.

Christians need to be watchful and prepare for Jesus' return, because we don't know when it will be.

If you lose your faith, you will probably do so gradually.  In tiny increments you will get spiritually sloppy.  You will let a few days slip by without consulting your compass.  Your ails will go untrimmed.  Your rigging will go unprepared.  And worst of all, you will forget to anchor your boat.  And, before  you know it, you'll be bouncing from wave to wave in stormy seas....

Stability in the storm comes not from seeking a new message, but from understanding an old one.  The most reliable anchor points are not recent discoveries, but are time-tested truths that have held their ground against the winds of change....

Attach your soul to these boulders and  no wave is big enough to wash you under.

(From Six Hours One Friday by Max Lucado)

How faithfully do you pray, read the Bible, attend church?  Are prayer and Bible study regular parts of your life, or do you just  resort to them in emergency situations?  Ask God to help you be more faithful in anchoring your life in Jesus, even when there are no storms on the horizon.

Goals:

Participants may:

1. Discover with the group the Bible's potential as a caring resource.

2. Practice using the Bible as a tool for caring.

3. Gain increasing familiarity with the content of the Scriptures.

4. Learn to prize the Bible the Bible as God's Word to us.

5. Discover other ways in which God communicates with us.

6. Experience Christian community with the group.

Opening Prayer

Blessed Lord, you have caused all of the Bible to be written for our instruction and growth.  Help us diligently to read it, hear you speak through it, and take its message to heart, so that by its comfort we can comfort and care for others.  Amen.

The Bible

Many of the guidelines for prayer covered in the previous chapter also apply to the use of the Bible in a training relationship.  For example, as with prayer, your use of the Bible needs to fit in as a natural part of your total conversation.  Just as you need to choose prayers to meet the specific needs of a person, so should you gear the sharing of biblical principles and passages to people's specific needs.  There are two additional points to make namely why and how you can use the Bible  effectively in your training relationships.

Why Use the Bible

The Bible  is an excellent resource for training people because it records how God has trained His children through the ages.

The Bible summarized the work of Jesus, saying, "For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life" (John 3:16).  The people you train are people experiencing the bad news of the world.  They live in the midst of suffering, oppression, conflict, grief, sickness, tragedy, and finally death itself.  They could use some good news: they could use the gospel.

Therefore, you use the written Word of God because it contains the message people need to hear.  You use the written Word of God because it is practical: it deals with the same kinds of concerns people still have.  But there's a third reason to use the Word of God: it's alive!  To paraphrase St. Augustine: "What the Scriptures say, God says."  The Word of God works in the hearts of believers for good.

This is not to suggest that you should administer the Bible in large doses at every opportunity.  A physician with a good drug does not prescribe it for every illness.  You listen, you diagnose, and you use the Bible as a resource when it is appropriate.

How to Use the Bible Effectively

Choosing a Translation

The Bible translation you decide to use in your training will depend on your personal preference.  Sometimes people you train will feel more comfortable with a certain translation, and in such instances you might want to honor their preference.  But there are also times when a good modern translation breathes fresh meaning into Scripture for someone.  If you know which version an individual prefers, bring it with you, or ask permission to use the person's Bible; this is preferable.  It will help the trainee become familiar with it.

Carrying a Bible

If you carry a Bible with you, it is a good idea to mark appropriate passages ahead aof time with slip of paper so you won't have to thumb around frantically trying to find a passage.  A smaller sized Bible might be the best to use, one you can slip into your pocket or purse.  A large Bible can create the impression that you came to bludgeon the other person into insensibility with a flurry of verses.  If you do carry a larger Bible, keep it at your side rather than setting it down between you and the other person.  In this way it will not interfere with the conversation, yet will be handy when you're ready to use it.

Knowing Passages Ahead of Time

In order to use the Bible effectively, it is important to know passages relevant to some typical situations.  You can begin by keeping a list of appropriate passages as you do your own reading and collect verses from others.  You might ask the people you care for if any verses are especially significant for them.  That will not only equip you to be a better trainer to them, but also will allow them to give you something.

Knowing some passages beforehand enables you to choose appropriate ones quickly and easily, matching them to the needs of the person.  You might want to mark some of these passages in your Bible, or commit them to memory.

Introducing Scripture

When you think it would be helpful to refer to Scripture, you might say:

• When you talk about your feelings of sorrow, I remember the words Jesus spoke about people who mourned when he said, "Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted" (Matt. 5:4).

• Something that really spoke to me when I was in a situation similar to yours is the story of the death of Lazarus where it says, "Jesus wept."  If it was all right for Jesus to cry with grief, it is certainly all right for us to do the same.

• You mentioned in the past that you enjoy reading the Psalms.  Would you like to read Psalm 121 with me?  I find that this psalm encourages me in personal difficulties, and maybe it will you too.  What it says is that God is always with you and is your protector.

What should you say after sharing a selection from the Bible with someone?  Sometimes no further comment is necessary, since a passage might have spoken clearly and directly to the person's need.  Other times you might wish to share a few of your thoughts about the passage and how it relates to an individual.  Or you can simply ask the person, "Does this spark any thoughts or feelings in you that you'd like to share?"  Be open to discussion.

Sometimes you and the other person will want to spend time discussing a passage.  It is not a waste of time to spend much of a visit talking about one of more biblical selections if these center around the needs of the individual.  In this kind of discussion, avoid extensive monologs.  As you talk about a passage, be sure you do a lot of listening.  This will help ensure that your discussion meets the needs of the other person.  Your comments about the passage should guide the person toward understanding it relative to his or her own life situation.

The Bible is not to be used to lambaste, manipulate, or bombard people with your own judgments.  Instead, share the Bible with them to bring reassurance, to confront when necessary, to deepen understanding, and to strengthen their relationship with God in the midst of their current situation.  Your use of the Bible is another way in which your kind of training - Christian training will help them live their life.

Training by the Book

(Coffee Cup Counseling - Harold Sala)
"An  experiment was conducted recently by psychologist at Vanderbilt University who wanted to know if the advice of untrained, nonprofessionals who were warm and cordial was as effective as that of trained psychotherapist.  The group of professionals, some of the best in their area, had an average of twenty-three years experience behind them.  The second group were college professors who had no formal experience or training in counseling.

"Both groups worked with troubled people for no more than twenty-five hours, and at the end of that time comparisons were made.  The results: 'Patients undergoing psychotherapy with college professors showed...quantitatively as much improvement as patients treated by experienced professional psychotherapists.

"In an unrelated article the Washington Post's magazine, Insight, decries the impotence of psychoanalysis saying, 'Where surgeons to have the same cure rate as psychoanalysts, there would be no surgery:  they would all be in prison on malpractice charges.'"

Psychiatrist Garth Wood, in his book The Myth of Neurosis: Overcoming the Illness Excuse, breaks with the traditions of his profession, arguing that non-trained professionals are some of the best sources of help for people.  He's convinced that you who have in intimate knowledge of another person can be a powerful force and catalyst for good in the life of a trainee. After all, you know the strengths and weaknesses of your trainee; you know the habit patterns, idiosyncrasies of personality, and what motivates that person.  You start with an edge that the professional can gain only by hours of conversation and prodding.

For you who know Christ as your personal Lord and Savior, there is an additional source of wisdom and insight: the indwelling presence of the Holy Spirit.  During Passion Week Jesus spoke of the coming Holy Spirit four times.  He used a term which had not previously been used for the Holy Spirit, paraklatos, a word which is translated as "counselor" in  the Bible.  Jesus told the disciples that He would ask the Father to send them another Counselor, who would guide them into truth and show them things to come.  This is the same One who indwells the child of God today and can give him insights that he would never have otherwise.

Perhaps you are asking, "Do you really believe that?"  I am convinced, on the basis of my own experience, that the Holy Spirit will help you focus on things that people say which lead to vital issues.  "It just happens!" you say.  I don't think so.  God knows the future; He also knows the past in ways that you do not, and as you train.  He will prompt you to ask questions and give you new insights that you would otherwise not have.  The Holy Spirit serves as the Trainer who guides you and helps the person you train move into the will of God.

The Holy Spirit and Training

The Holy Spirit, the third person of the Trinity, is holy because holiness is part of the nature of God.  Behind the word "holy" are two concepts: purity and separation.  he is not an abstract or a philosophical idea, but a person with the will and mind of God.  He brings conviction.  He guides us into truth.  He is the agent of conversion; and when it comes to training.  He is the source of lasting personality change as our old nature gives way to Christlikeness.

For centuries people have debated the issue of nature versus nurture - heredity versus environment, yet it matters little when the Holy Spirit begins to work in a life, a process which is described as "sanctification" in the New Testament.  Three times we are told this work of "knocking off the rough edges" of our old nature is the work of God's Holy Spirit.

This grand work of sanctification by Good's Holy Spirit in the lives of people is something that cannot be understood or duplicated in the secular world.  It is the victory of the Spirit over both heredity and environment.

The Holy Spirit works through men and women who are in touch with Him - which means God uses you as you help people work through their problems.  In his book Competent to Counsel, Jay Adams says, "The use of human agency in counseling... does not in itself by pass the work of the Spirit; to the contrary, it is the principal and ordinary means by which He works."

In other words, God, through the agency of His Spirit, works in and through us to bring people into conformity with His will.  You have an important part to play in restoring the order in the kingdom of God that was lost as the result of sin's dark entrance into the world.  This is why you need to work in harmony with the Holy Spirit, and not against Him, in guiding people toward the will of God.

The contrast between the mentality of the secular person and the individual in whom the Spirit of God dwells is nothing new.  Paul experienced this struggle in Corinth as he tried to communicate the difference that a personal knowledge of Jesus Christ really makes.  Almost as though he was giving up trying to relate to the secular mind, he says, "The natural man does not receive the things of the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him; not can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned" (1 Cor. 2:14)

What difference does this Christian attitude make as we strive to help people?

Training in Cooperation with the Spirit of God

Biblical Training is God-centered

Most secular counseling is man-centered and deals with "felt needs."  The temptation for the Christian who has been trained in a secular environment is to keep man at the center and bring God into his life in such a way that God becomes a spiritual "band-aid" to get man off the hook when he is in trouble.

The whole focus is wrong!  We must understand there will never be enough pieces to fit the puzzle of life's problems together apart from a relationship with God.  This is why Jesus Christ came.  God's plan is to bring us into harmony with His divine will and thus to change our natures through the new birth.

As long as thinking is fuzzy in this regard, we will never use the larger picture, and our image of God will only be a reflection of our own natures.  Our God will be too small!

Biblical Training Recognizes the Sinfulness of Human Nature

This is not to imply that anyone who struggles with a problem is suffering from sin, but it does recognize that most of the problems that require training are the result of man's sinful nature.  Notice the cataloging of the characteristics of the flesh or man's sinful nature recorded in Galatians 5:19-21), the very factors creating unhappiness today.  Among the list are "adultery, fornication, uncleanness, licetiousness, idolatry, sorcery, hatred, contentions (arguments), jealousies, outbursts of wrath, selfish ambitions, dissensions, heresies, envy, murders, drunkenness, revelries, and the like.

When the Bible says, "For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God," and "There is none righteous, no, not one," (Rom. 3:23, 10), it becomes obvious that even the best of people bear the incipient dregs of rottenness which are found in the worst of people.  And, inversely, in the worst of people there will still be certain qualities which reflect the fact that man was made in the image of the divine.

Have you ever had the experience of going to your garden to till the soil and finding a boulder or an old rotten board that had to be moved?  As You picked it up, dozens, possibly hundreds of creeping, crawling bugs and slugs began to squirm.  Such is what is dredged up from the recesses of the heart because of our old natures.  Speaking of the heart as the seat of our affections and choices, Jeremiah wrote, "The heart is deceitful above all things and desperately wicked; Who can know it?" (Jer. 17:9).

How else can you explain the humiliation and devastating consequences which have followed the poor choices some Christians make, choices which resulted in actions totally out of character with the lives these individuals had lived over the years?  To their dying days they will regret the decisions which embodied the sordid thoughts within.  Realizing  that none of us is  immune from the same, Paul warns, "Therefore let him who thinks he stands take heed lest he fall" (1 Cor. 10:12).

Biblical training recognizes that a person, no matter who he is, sins because of the pull of his earth child nature, as well as because of his personal choices, so that none may say, "I'm not responsible; I couldn't help it!"  We sin by nature and by choice;  the end result is problems which create situations that we just can't handle without outside Help.

Though sin is a spiritual problem, the emotional natures of our lives, our relationships with each other, and how we feel about ourselves are affected.  All of this is part of our mental image and health.

Discouragement and despair are the marks of the mentally ill, who have struggled with their problems month after month, in some cases year after year.  To tell people that their behavior is perfectly normal, and that they must simply learn to accept it, is to sentence them to a life of perpetual despair.

To tell someone, "Look, your problem is sin!  But there is an answer to this problem!"  is neither cruel nor devastating.  It defines the malady and offers a solution.

Your job as a trainer-leader is not that of a surgeon (removing the problem), but rather that of one who holds the flashlight so the person himself can see the problem.  Then let God's Spirit do the surgery.

In dealing with problems which have taken people outside the will of God, you don't have to berate or condemn them, but help them identify the problem and correct it by following the next guideline.

Biblical Training Follows the Principles of God's Word, the Bible

Many of the situations which cause people to reach out to others for guidance are situations which merely necessitate decisions of one kind or another.  We live in a world of stress, and at times we need someone to say, "Look, you are on the right track; keep moving," reinforcing what the person feels is the will of God for his or her new life.

Few people who fill the pews of churches today understand what it really means to be forgiven, to be a child of God, and brought into the family of God.  Having never been confronted with  the sovereignty of God, they are overly concerned with the multitude of worries which drive them into the asphalt.  Not understanding the will of God, they struggle, often against Him, in trying to put things together which are not really in their best interests.

Vast resources in the Bible can be brought to bear on our personal needs.  The greater our knowledge of God's plan for our lives, the less will be the need for individual training.

Biblical Training Results in Liberation, Not in Further Bondage

"For to be carnally minded is death, but to be spiritually minded is life and peace" (Rom. 8:6).  God's Principles really work.

Life Traumas

It doesn't take long for trainers to recognize that each training situation, each session, and each trainee is in some way unique.  Even though there are general principles of training the specific techniques and approaches which might be very effective with one trainee may be less effective with someone else.  This uniqueness contributes both to frustration and to the challenge of training.

Since each problem is unique and since the number of potential human problems is legion, it is not possible to discuss every training situation, especially in the lessons of this course.  In the first four lessons we described some general training guidelines which can apply regardless of the specific trainee program.  The remainder of the lessons we have considered what probably are the most frequently encountered training issues.  Each of these was viewed from a biblical perspective.  The causes and effects of each were discussed and suggestions were given for training and prevention.  In this lesson we want to give a briefer overview of several less common but nevertheless prevalent problems.  We will conclude by looking at a question which Christian trainers hear frequently: "Why?"

Training and Childlessness

One of the most poignant pictures in the Bible is that of Hannah "greatly distressed," weeping bitterly and crying out to God because she could not get pregnant.  In Bible times childlessness was considered an indication of divine disapproval, and women such as Hannah, Sara, Elizabeth and others were embarrassed and distressed when their marriages were childless.

Although we no longer see childlessness as an indication of God's disapproval, the inability to bear children still is a great stress for many couples - especially wives.  Infertility strikes 10 to 15 percent of married couples, and the rate has been increasing within recent years partly because many couples choose to postpone child-bearing until after 30 when fertility tends to be declining.  Whenever a couple begins to realize that pregnancy is not forthcoming. even after repeated attempts to get pregnant, or when there is a medical confirmation that the husband (in 40 percent of the cases) or wife is sterile, there first comes a period of surprise .  This tends to be followed by grief (similar to that discussed in a future lesson), anger ('Why me?"), and isolation from friends who might ask questions.  Later there is denial and a reluctance to admit the problem, followed finally by acceptance and a willingness to find alternative sources of satisfaction (such as a greater devotion to one's vocation, a decision to adopt or become foster parents, or involvement with other people's children).

When their infertility is discovered, women especially feel guilty and inadequate.  Many feel family and social pressures to bear children and often there is a sense of failure or a feeling of sexual incompetence when pregnancy does not occur.  Sometimes there is a constant concern and worry about the problem.  According to one counselor, the whole world looks pregnant to the woman who can't conceive,  "Everywhere she goes she sees babies and bellies."  This creates tension which can disrupt marital stability, throw off the body's cycles and delay conception even further.

Counselors at fertility clinics have noted than many couples are reluctant, even ashamed, to admit their infertility.  perhaps they feel that infertility is an indication of their inadequacy as males or females.  Some may feel uncomfortable discussing sex, even with a medical counselor.  Others may resist genital examination by physicians, and some may fear that they will be told, "It's all psychological.  Go home, relax, and keep trying to get pregnant."

The trainer should be aware of this reluctance to talk about infertility.  If a married couple remains childless after several years of marriage you may wish to gently raise the issue, but try not to fall into the pressuring attitude of well-meaning relatives or friends.  If the couple does not wish to talk about their childlessness, assure them of your availability to talk about their childlessness, assure them of your availability to talk at any future time and do not press the issue further.

When you are involved in training a childless couple, the following guidelines should be remembered.

• Childlessness may have several causes including physiological sterility, psychological tension, or a deliberate decision to remain childless.  Do not assume that you know why the couple has no children.

• If a couple has chosen not to have children try to find the reasons for this.  You may wish to talk with the husband and wife together and then separately.

• Recognize that the decision to remain childless may be logical and carefully considered.  Both husband and wife may feel called to serve God in special careers, for example.  In other cases, the decision not to have children may reflect insecurity, fear of intimacy, a desire to avoid responsibility or some other inner or interpersonal conflict.

• When there is a desire for children but an inability for the wife to get pregnant, referral to a physician is imperative.  Begin with referral to the family doctor then, if the problem persists, try (with the help of the local physician) to find a doctor who has special expertise in fertility problems.  Both husband and wife should seek the medical consultation.

• Do not condemn, probe into areas of sexual intimacy that may not concern you, assume that all couples should have children, use trite platitudes, or even hint that you find the problem amusing.

• Recognize that many couples need consistent support, especially during times when a new medical or other procedure has been tried and found to fail.  Couples may also need opportunity to discuss their guilt, anger (even at God), feelings of inadequacy, fear of the future (including old age with no children), loneliness and frustration.  Some of these feelings may create tension which contributes to the psychological causes of sterility.

• Focus on the theological issues involved.  These include the common idea that God is punishing the couple by preventing pregnancy, or that he doesn't care.  There is no scriptural basis for either view and couples should be helped to discuss these issues, including the question of "Why?" or ethical issues such as artificial insemination.  At some time mention that sterility is no reason to abstain from sexual intercourse in marriage, and correct misconceptions about God's will or the purpose of marriage.

• Help the couple find alternatives to bearing children.  Realistically discuss adoption, becoming foster parents, becoming involved in vocational activities (e.g. working as house parents, in day-care, etc.), and similar issues.  If childlessness has become a preoccupation, raise this with the husband and wife.  Then discuss other meaningful activities (e.g., child sponsors, mission work, etc.) that can give purpose to a life apart from children.

It is estimated that about half of those who are involuntarily childless can have children following medical diagnosis and treatment.  Others adopt children, become foster parents, or plunge into a meaningful life and vocation without children.  Perhaps 15 percent "remain to mourn," to accept their permanent childless state, and then to accept "indirect" parenthood which comes from contact with the children of others.

Training and Illegitimate Pregnancies

A different problem is that of the unwed mother.  The number of illegitimate pregnancies, especially among teenagers, has been an important part of our society.  Although sexual intercourse apart from marriage is becoming more and more accepted in our society, this does not help the individuals involved, cope with it.  The Bible strongly condemns intercourse apart from marriage, and illegitimate pregnancies still are spiritually disapproved.  Of course the male, whose sperm impregnates the woman, is as much a part of the problem as the unwed mother, but the father's identity is sometimes unknown even to the woman.  Males can hide their involvement since they do not show evidence of pregnancy, and sometimes the father "takes off" leaving the unwed mother to face the pregnancy alone.

Unwed mothers often try to keep the pregnancy hidden for as long as possible.  Anxiety, fear of parental reaction, concern about social judgment, guilt, self-condemnation and sometimes anger all serve to keep the unwed mother preoccupied and away from sources of help and prenatal care.

When the pregnancy is discovered there are often outbursts of anger, condemnation, fear, panic and general confusion, especially if the pregnancy involves teenagers.  All of these emotions may be brought to the Christian lifestyle trainer.  Clearly this is not the time for moral exhortations, theological discussions, or intellectual debates about the reasons why the girl became pregnant.  Instead, training should involve several overlapping goals.

First, allay the initial fears.  Do not discourage initial expressions of anger, hurt, guilt and fear, but continue to show acceptance, understanding, and a quiet confidence.  Remember that a loving, wise, forgiving God will guide you, as you train the individuals to cope with the challenges.

Sometimes there will be considerable resistance to the training.  The unmarried girl, for example, may resist because she has been brought or sent for training against her will; she may never have learned to trust people; or she may see the trainer as a condemning, unforgiving authority figure.  Unwed fathers may have similar insecurities and resistances.

During the first session attempt to give calm reassurance that you will help (but avoid pious cliches).  Try to determine what help is needed and what the trainee(s) and the family members see as immediate courses of action.  Although you should enncourage a physical examination for the mother, try to discourage quick decisions (such as abortion or immediate marriage) at least for a day or two and until initial emotional expression has been vented.  Prayer can be especially calming, helpful and reassuring.

Second, help trainees consider practical steps to be taken.  The major question to be considered is "What do we do with the baby?"  For some the answer may be abortion.  This will be discussed in the next section.

Others may see marriage and parenthood as a possibility, especially if the couple has had a good prepregnancy relationship and shows prospects for a good marriage.  If these conditions do not exist, the marriage will have a low probability of success.

Some mothers decide to remain single and bear the child to maturity.  Many find maternity homes, move to boarding homes, go to live with distant relatives or foster parents, or stay at home and openly bear the child.  Each of these alternatives should be discussed along with the issue of the baby's future.

Keeping the baby or making it available for adoption are alternatives which both should be considered.  In deciding on these issues, trainers MUST draw on the advice and expertise of others in the community, including local physicians, social agencies, adoption agencies and lawyers.  Remember that unwed fathers are not always willing to leave the child's future in the hands of the mother or her family.  Increasingly, it seems, unwed fathers want to be as involved as the mother in making decisions about the child's and the parents' immediate future.

Third, there can be continuing training.  After the prenatal decisions have been made, either or both of the unwed parents may experience continuing guilt, insecurity, a lowered self-image, and similar emotional struggles.  The trainer can help with these problems, especially if he or she has been accepting, noncondemning, and helpful from the beginning.  Early in training it should be stated clearly that the trainer would like to see the trainees again - if not before the baby's birth, then shortly thereafter.  The unwed mother usually needs someone with whom she can share the details of childbearing and the grieef that often comes if a baby is given up for adoption.  Ideally the parents of the unwed older parents may have their own problems about the out-of-wedlock pregnancy and may be unwilling or unable to listen or discuss anything concerning their new grandchild.  The trainer, therefore, can be available to the entire family to discuss feelings, moral implications, and flanning for the future.  If the baby is stillborn or deformed, this can create additional guilt, grief and confusion - all of which should be talked through.

An unwanted pregnancy out of wedlock is usually a traumatic experience, even for people in an age of sexual laxity and moral cecline.  The Christian lifestyle trainer can use this experience to demonstrate and point people to the forgiveness and love to be found in Jesus Christ.  The unwed mother and father can be helped to reach some new conclusions about responsibility and moral choice.  In the church, the believers can be encouraged to show forgiveness and acceptance, instead of condemnation, gossip and rejection.  In these ways, the pain of an out-of-wedlock pregnancy can be turned into a growing, learning experience which can help individuals and couples live more Christ-honoring lives in the future.  It can also alert parents to a sexual promiscuity which is increasingly common even in Christian circles, and hopefully prevent further out-of-wedlock pregnancies in the future.

Training and Abortion

In January of 1973, the United States Supreme Court granted women an absolute right to abortion on demand during the first six months of pregnancy, and an almost unqualified right to abortion (i.e., for "health" reasons - with "health" including psychological, physical, social and economic well-being) during the final three months.  Suddenly abortion ceased to be a crime and became a right.  It ceased to be the privilege of the affluent and soon became available to all, sometimes subsidized by taxpayer dollars.  The resulting shouts of approval and cries of disapproval have continued to the present and have been heard both in North America and beyond.  In the meantime, the number of legal abortions has increased drastically.

Much of the debate about abortion centers on the question of when human life begins.  The Supreme Court concluded that it did not need "to resolve the difficult question of when life begins."  Since "those trained in the respective disciplines of medicine, philosophy and theology are unable to arrive at any consensus, the judiciary, at this point in the development of man's knowledge, is not in a position to speculate as to the answer."  But the answer is crucially important.  If life begins at birth, then abortion is not terminating a human being's existence.  But if human life begins earlier, perhaps at the time of conception, then abortion is murder.  The same legal code which makexs it a crime to destroy a baby born prematurely makes it all right to destroy another child of identical age who  has not yet been born.  The same law which stresses civil rights, denies these rights to the unborn.

The Christian lifestyle trainer must grapple with these issues preferably before he or she trains people concerning abortion.  Christians differ in their conclusions about these issues, perhaps becaause the Bible is silent on the topic of abortion.  The Bible does make it clear, however, that the developing fetus already is human life in God's eyes.  Life, therefore, does not begin at birth.  It must start either at conception or at some time during the gestation (prenatal development) period.  In the absence of any concincing biblical, physiological, medical or other evidence to support the view that life really begins at some specific time during the nine months before birth, many people conclude that life must start when the male sperm and female egg unite at conception.  if this is true, abortion is wrong.  It is not simply a medical procedure, legal issue or training problem.  It is a violation of the commandment, "You shall not murder."

Not all trainers will agree with this conclusion, and the issue is complicated by other ethical concerns such as the rightness or wrongness of abortion when the mother's life and health are clearly in danger if the pregnancy continues, when the fetus is clearlyy deformed, or when the pregnancy results from rape.

An unplanned pregnancy often stimulates anxiety, anger, fear and discouragement.  Abortion, which now is relatively safe, common, even to obtain, and widely accepted is one way to solve the pregnancy problem efficiently, quietly and quickly.  Although many women experience some guilt or sadness and wonder about the moral implications of abortion, there is evidence that these feelings pass quickly and that few women develop postabortion psychiatric problems.

For the Christian, however, there is still the question, "Is it right?"  This and related ethical questions are best discussed before an abortion.  The woman should feel free to discuss her feelings and alternatives openly with a supportive, understanding trainer.  If the father is available, he should be involved in the training process as well.  It may be helpful to discuss how abortions are performed, and questiions should be referred to a competent physician - preferably a gynecologist.  Alternatives to abortion (such as adoption or keeping the child) should be considered.  Trainers may have difficulty hiding their own views on abortion and probably shouldn't try.  Ultimately the woman must decide what to do before God, and the trainer is there to help.

If the woman decides to get an abortion, the trainer can either help her find competent medical care or graciously withdraw from training and refer her to a trainer who is not opposed to abortion.  Either decision is difficult for the trainer who believes that abortion is sin, but we cannot and should not force a person to act in accordance with our wishes.  The best alternative is to express our beliefs, demonstrate our care and concern, and help the trainee find another trainer.

After an abortion, many trainees can profit from individual or group counseling which focuses on issues such as feelings about the surgery, guilt, forgiveness, attitudes toward sex, contraception, the meaning of femininity, and biblical teachings about life, death and sex.  The goal here is not to condemn or instill guilt.  The goals are to help the trainee to experience God's cleansing and forgiveness; to express feelings and "work through" the grief process that often follows abortion; to reevaluate the meaning of sexuaality; to consider biblical teachings about sex, birth, and life before birth; and to help trainees move beyond the abortion and into a future where they can begin or continue serving God and others as true disciples of Jesus Christ.

Training and Rape

Rape might be definned as a forced, violent sexual penetration against the victim's will and without the victim's consent.  While there can be homosexual and child rape, most rapes involve the actions of males against nonconsenting females.  Although rape often involves vaginal intercourse, most experts see it more as an act of violence than as a means of sexual gratification.

There are many myths about rape, including the views that women subconsciously ask to be raped, that they enjoy it, and that they could stop it if they really wished.  These myths lead many women to keep a rape secret, lest police, physicians, friends or others assume that they really were "asking for it."  Thus the rape victim finds herself revictimized by the people who should be giving help.  These people, including some trainers, may also be inclined to believe that rapists are always sic and perverted men, that they cannot control their sex drives, or that they especially prefer victims of another race.  None of these myths is supported by evidence.  Each is false.

Rape victims may be classified in three ways, depending on hos they respond to the rape.  The majority show the rape trauma syndrome.  This begins with acute stress immediately following the rape.  There may be fear, anger, anxiety, shock, self-blame and disbelief, often expressed by crying, sobbing, tenseness, nausea or restlessness, but sometimes hidd en behind a calm, composed exterior.  At this point the victim may be flooded with feelings of terror, concern for her safety, and guilt because she did not struggle more.  Some women feeel they have been spoiled or "made impure" and often the woman wonders if the myth really is true which says women secretly attract rapists.

At this point the trainee is sensitive to someone who will list, accept and beleve her, especially if she has faced subtle disbelief and rejection from friends, family, police, or medical personnel.  The trainer can encourage the expression of feelings, can help the woman find competent medical and legal aid, can give support when she does encounter criticism, can help her and her friends recognize the myths about rape, can encourage the victim to discuss her fears for future safety (and to take action that will increase safety), and can give assurance of continued support especially as the woman faces crisis situations in coming weeks.

Two or three weeks after the rape, many women begin to experience nightmares, irrational fears and restless activity.  Often there is a decision to move, change a phone number, or spend more time with close friends.  Some women develop a variety of phobias including fear of being alone, in crowds, in places where people are behind them, being indoors, or being outdoors.  Some experience a fear of sex and/or a disruption of normal sexual activities and responsiveness..  In all of this the victim is in the process of reorganizing her life following an experience which probably has been terrifying.  Such women need support, freedom to express feelings, acceptance, an opportunity to talk with someone who considers them "normal," and guidance as they make decisions.  Many will want to discuss the issue of "Why me?" and will need to be reassured of God's continued care, love and concern.  Sometimes it helps for a trainer to take the initiative in helping these women, instead of waiting for the victim to seek more traditional counseling.  It also is helpful to counsel with families and mates, if possible.  These people can be very supportive to the victim, but relatives often have feelings of their own which need to be expressed, attitudes which need to be changed, and misconceptions which need to be corrected.

A second general response to rape has been termed the compound reaction.  Victims with previous physical, psychiatric or social difficulties sometimes develop more intense symptoms such as depression, psychotic or suicidal behavior, psychosomatic disorders, drug use, excessive drinking or sexual "acting out" behavior.  Such women often need referral for help that is more in-depth than crisis training.

A third response to rape is the silent rape reaction.  These women, including some who were molested as children or adolescents, have not told anyone about the rape, have never talked about their feelings or reactions, and have carried a tremendous psychological burden.  Later in life such women may develop anxiety, fear of men, avoidance of sexual behavior, unexplained fears of being alone or going outside, nightmares, and a lost of self-esteem.  if these women are raped again, they often spend more training time talking about the pent-up emotions concerning the first rape than they do about the current situation.

Studies of rape victims report that most women are able to reorganize their lives and protect themselves from further assault.  perhaps more than any other influence, the feminist movement has attacked the myths concerning rape and has helped victims get the medical treatment, psychological help and practical guidannce they need after rape.  Regretfully, some writers in this same movement are in danger of perpetuating the idea that the real cause of rape is the deliberate effort of men to subjugate women.  The victimization of women by rape or any other means is a gross deviation from God's intended plan, but there is no evidence to support the myth that rapists are really "front-line masculine shock troops, terrorist guerrillas in the longest sustained battle the world has ever known," the battle between men and women.

Rapists are rarely militants  in the battle against women.  Some are men who find themselves in a situation where rape would be convenient, so their action is a spur-of-the-moment decision.  more often, rapists are young, married, employed people whose family life is disturbed, who can't relate successfully to womenn, and who deny that they are a menace to society.  In each case, rapists need more than supportive training.  They need to know God's forgiveness, to experience the power of Godd to transform a life, and to participate in training designed to deal with those underlying issues that caused them to initiate the act of rape.

Training and Physical Abuse

Within recent years the media, governmental agencies, medical personnel and professional trainers have given increasing attention to the problem of child abuse.  It is difficult to determine if actual child abuse is increasing or if we primarily are increasing our awareness of a lonstanding problem.  It is clear, however, that incredible numbers of children are being neglected, beaten physically, molested sexually and abused psychologically.  While many cases of child abuse go unreported, others lead to hospitalization and so many deaths that child abuse has been called m"the major killer of children in the United States ... one of the primary destroyers of their emotional and physical well-being."

There is no typical child abuser - the problem is too large and diverse for that - but studies have shown a cluster of characteristics often seen in the abusive parents, in the abusing circumstances and in the abused child.  Abusive parents frequently were themselves abused or neglected in childhood.  Often there are unrealistic expectations for children, a dislike of or disappointment in the child who is abused, a strong parental belief in corporal punishment, and a frustration with the child, often accompanied by a feeling that one can't cope.  Also seen at times are unhappy  marriages, excessive use of drugs or alcohol, and isolation from family members or others who can help parents with the children.  There is no evidence that child abuse is limited to specific socioeconomic or racial groups.

Child abuse almost always comes as the result of events or frustrations which we might term abusing circumstances,  Excessive demands from children, perpetual crying, continuing sickness, or even the routine of dirty diapers and messy eating habits can put a strain on any parent.  If the family is also characterized by financial pressure, cramped living quarters, job insecurity, isolation from relatives, marital tension, or similar stresses, the pressure of a demanding child can be overwhelming.  in an attempt to 'shut up the kid" or get a little privacy paarents can increase the child's tension and this, in turn, accentuates the crying or other stressful behavior.  Eventually it is easy to lose control.  Probably all os us have overreacted to children, at times, and it may be true that given enough stress, any one of us could abuse a child.

As parents and circumstances vary, so do their abused children.  Some have argued that abused children usually are unwaanted, physically deformed, unattractive, or handicapped.  While some are hyperactive and aggressive, a larger number are compliant, tense and withdrawn, almost all are distrusful, looking for love, and delayed in soccial, intellectual and sometimes physical development.

Trainers might look through their list of trainees or congregation members to spot families which could be under special stress.  A thoughtful (not patronizing or accusing) offer to give practical assistance especially in handling the children can often relieve some of the stress and help prevent child abuse.  Lay assistance and listening are especially helpful, but it should be realized that prevention is rarely that simple.  Parents may need long-term training, encouragement, education concerning childrearing, and support from a community of Christian believers.  It should never be assumed that child abuse is limited to nonbelievers or a taboo subject for Christians.

When child abuse is detedted, medical treatment for the child is of prime importance, sometimes followed by foster care.  The trainer must recognize that legal implications sometimes determminee who will help the child psychologically and where.  Traditional forms of child treatment includding play therapy may be used.  Almost always the children will need love, firm guidance, and a sense of security.

Parents can be helped in two ways: by giving them immediate help and byproviding them with long-range training.  Immediate help may incclude caring for the child temporarily and helping the parent cope with immediate crises.  This can relieve the immediate pressure.  Long-range help may be resisted (especially when it is ordered by the courts), but the goal is to help parents overcome the effects of their own depressing or abusice past histories, develop self control, learn about normal child behavior and acquire coping techniques so that they can love and care for the children, accept themselves as God accepts tehm, and learn how to deal with stresses in themselves and in their children.  like the children, these parents often have a great need for love, acceptance and approval.  They need concrete, attainable goals and a trainer's guidance in dealing with specifics in their past and present lives.

Space does not permit more than brief mention of another abuse problem which may be increasing: the abuse of mates.  It is well known that many murders occur in the home, and wives especially are victims of beatings, rejection, sexual abuse and emotional trauma.

For several reasons, wives often do not report, resist, or flee from such aggressive encounters in the home.  Some have negative self-concepts and uncounsciously may feel that they somehow deserve the abuse.  Others are convinced that their husbands (or aggressive children) will reform, that they could not survive economically if they left, that divorce is wrong, or that they could not get along in a hostile world.  Some sincere Christian women have been led to believe that beatings are to be endured as the duty of submissive wives.

many trainers can offer practical help help, guidance and acceptance for such victims.  Within recent yeaars, some communities and churches have been working to provide safe and quiet placs (including private homes) where "battered wives" and their children can go in times of crisis for safety, rest and counsel concerning their options.  ideally the mate-abuser, like the childabuser, should also be trained.  Such training may be resisted, although pastors and other Christian leaders, unlike professional trainers, sometimes are able to enter homes and engage in helping conversations which can lead to more in-depth training.

Checklist of Conditions Leading to Child Abuse

1. As a child was the parent repeatedly beaten or deprived?

2. Does the parent have a record of mental illness or criminal activities?

3. Is the parent suspected of physical abuse in the past?

4. Is the parent suffering lost self-esteem, social isolation, or depression?

5. Has the parent experienced multiple stresses, such as marital discord, divorce, debt, frequent moves, significant losses?

6. Does the parent have violent outbursts of temper?

7. Does the parent have rigid, unrealistic expectations of the child's behaviorr?

8. Does the parent punish the child harshly?

9. Does the parent see thee child as difficult and provocative (whether or not the child is)?

10. Does the parent reject the child or have difficulty forming a bond with the child?

11. Are there currently excessive stresses in the family or paarent's life?

Training and the Handicapped

The term disability refers to a mental, physical or emotional condition (defect or impairment) which often hinders the person's ability to function normally.  People whose disabilities interfere with optimal life adjustment are usually described as handicapped persons.  These people may have handicaps ranging from minor issues which are almost unnoticed to disabilities which are severely inhibiting.  The handicaps may be physical, mental or both.  They may result from a congenital impariment or birth defect, from injury in childhood, or from loss of some capacity in later life.

It is rare to find completely handicapped people.  While there are things which the handicapped person cannot do, there also are many things that he or she can do.  Medical treatment is designed to assist the disabled person as much as possible in the physical area, and the rehabilitation task is to help the individual live with the disability and reach maximum effectiveness.

This rehabilitative task is not easy.  Physical therapy, special education and occupational therapy may all be involved.  The trainer may be helpful in assisting handicapped persons to face the handicap realistically, to overcome the social rejection which is common, and to deal with issues such as guilt, frustration, anger, insecurity, anxiety and a low self-concept.

The optimal therapeutic objective may be to help such a person to appraise his disability realistically so that he will not exaggerate its negative consequences and see rejection where none exists, deny its existence and attempt tasks only achievable by a whole man, or engage in any other defense which is inappropriate and ineffective.  Somehow the patient must be induced to accept his disability, to live with it, but of course not in the sense of using it to give up the struggle to live as fully and normally as possible.

Training with the physically and mentally handicapped involves more than the traditional one-to-one interaction.  It involves cooperative work with physical therapists, educators, physicians and other specialists.  It involves family training.

It is eIt is extremely traumatic for parents to discover that their child is disabled or impaired.  Parental guilt, rejection of the handicapped person, overprotection, and a number of other family reactions may appear annd complicate the handicapped person's adjustment.

jesus was much concerned about handicapped people - the lame, blind, deaf, epileptic and deformed.  He accepted them completely and met their needs.  The Christian lifestyle tainer must do likewise.  Training the handicapped may require creative approaches, forsaking some favorite techniques, and contact with a network of helpers.  This can be very rewarding work, however, especially if one sees the disabled person growing in skills, psychological stability and spiritual maturity, insofar as the person's mental or physical capacities permit.

Training and the Question of "Why?"

When stress and problems arise, at some time people are likely to ask "Why?"  "Why did this happen to me?"  "Why did it happen now?"  "Why did it not happen as I had expected?"

Christian laymen and theologians have struggled with these questions for centuries and the answers are, at best, incomplete.  We suffer, first, because we are part of a fallen human race.  Pain comes when we are careless, exposed to disease, or lacking exercise and a proper diet.  Secondly, suffering comes to help us grow and mature.  For Christians, problems refine our faith, make us more Christlike, teach us about God, and produce perseverance and character.  Third, suffering enables us to understand and care more effectively for others.

Does suffering also result from sin?  All suffering ultimately results from mankind's fall into sin, and it is probable that some of our present problems come because of the sufferer's specific sin.  It must be emphasized, however, that the Bible explicitly refutes the idea that specific sin automatically brings suffering.  People in need frequently conclude that "God must be punishing me," but such a conclusion is, at best, built on shaky theological evidence.

Apparently we cannot know for certain why people suffer.  What we do know, however, is that God is compassionate, all-wise, all-knowing, and ever present.  It is not wrong to struggle with the "why" questions of life; Chrristian lifestyle training will be involved often in helping trainees with this struggle.  But the ultimate answer is not likely to be found in intellectual debate.  It comes from a willingness of trainee and trainer alike to acknowledge the certain truth that the sovereign, compassionate God is aware of our problems and in control.  He knows "why," and that is all that reallyy matters.

Quality of Life

The Leader's Rewards

For leaders currently embroiled in the toil and stress of facing a major challenge, reviewing the leadership rewards can be encouraging.  For leaders who feel unappreciated or taken for granted, a consideration of their rewards can bring them renewed resolve.  While leaders ought to fulfill their leadership responsibilities with noble intentions and not for their personal benefit, they should be cognizant of the fact that with their responsibility also comes the opportunity to obtain unique rewards.

To even the casual observer, the immediate rewards of non-volunteer leadership are self-evident.  The most tangible and obvious reward is monetary.  Those who hold leadership positions usually garner higher pay than their subordinates.

All leadership brings a second, less measurable but equally enticing reward, and that is power.  leaders in an organization have greater freedom to control and change their environment.  people pay closer attention to leaders' opinions; people seek leaders' involvement in activities and their endorsement for projects; people may also seek to curry leaders' favor by showering them with praise and privileges.  For some, this aspect of leadership is intoxicating.  They are exhilarated when their opinions carry weight with people, and they welcome the opportunity to express their views to a wide audience.  They enjoy the authority their position affords them.  Nevertheless, such influence comes with a price.  Influence comes with accountability.  Authority includes liability.  For this reason, many find that attaining a position of influence is relatively easy compared to the much harder task of maintaining it.  The cost of influence, including peoples' high expectations and increased responsibilities is simply a higher price than some are willing to pay.  If having influence were easy, more people would have it!  Positional influence, unlike character influence, is transitory, because when the position ends, so does the influence.

A third conspicuous reward for leadership is prestige. Leaders are usually treated with respect.  The world places a premium on status, but true leaders recognize its actual value.  Prestige appeals to people's egos; it can bring out the worst in people, and it is as fleeting as the morning mist.  People who seek leadership positions in order to achieve status have disqualified themselves from holding such positions.  They will discover, to their dismay, that prestige can be an albatross more than a reward.  For, along with prestige comes close scrutiny.  It can be unnerving, even to the most upright person, to have every move watched and evaluated.  Prestige is therefore a third bittersweet reward for leadership.

There are, more noble rewards that make the efforts of leadership worthwhile.  These rewards allow virtuous leaders to enjoy the fruit of their labors and to experience a deep sense of fulfillment.  The following are the meaningful rewards leaders can anticipate when they lead their people according to God's standards.

Spiritual Rewards

At the end of his life, the apostle Paul said, "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the course, I have kept the faith; in the future there is laid up for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day; and not only to me, but also to all who have loved His appearing" (2 Tim. 4:7-8).  Paul's words epitomize the true reward for a Christian leader who has led well.  Such a leader can expect the reward of God's affirmation and the satisfaction of a calling fulfilled.

God's Affirmation

No other reward could possibly equal the joy that comes from knowing almighty God is pleased with you and what you have done with your life.  To sense God's affirmation and pleasure in the present life and to know that he has eternal rewards waiting in the next life is to experience a prize of immeasurable value.  No earthly treasure can compare with it.  Christians, leaders and followers alike, have peace knowing that death assures them of being in God's presence for eternity.

Could there be any greater satisfaction than having spent your life in obedience to God's call?  Could there be any greater comfort than approaching death without fear, knowing you have invested your life in developing a relationship with the God of heaven?  That is the highest reward for leaders, as it is for every believer - knowing that heaven welcomes you and because of your relationship with Christ and your obedience to his will, your heavenly reward awaits you.

A Calling Fulfilled

This is a second reward for godly leadership, and it is closely tied to the first.  It is the satisfaction of knowing you have accomplished God's will and purposes for your life.  There is no more worthy ambition for people than to fulfill God's purposes for their life.  God calls some people to serve him in leadership roles (Eph. 4:11).  Those God calls to leadership positions, he also equips for leadership.  For those people to do anything else would be to invest their lives in less than God's will.  Those who resist God's will for them never experience all God had in store for them.

Leadership is a broad term that covers a wide spectrum.  Some are called to lead in smaller capacities.  Others are assigned positions of great influence.  No matter how grand or how seemingly small a position, those who have been called to lead will misspend their lives and squander their potential if they do not yield to God's will.

Some people know God has called them to lead, but they are apprehensive.  They may be reluctant to leave the security of their present position.  They may fear the criticism that inevitably comes with leadership.  They may fear the criticism that inevitably comes with leadership.  They may doubt their abilities, which means they question God's sufficiency.  But if they will allow God to stretch them personally, he will lead them to do things they never thought possible.  They will one day look back over their lives and marvel at all God did through them.  There is no life more fulfilling to live than a life lived according to God's will.

The Rewards of Integrity

There are additional personal rewards to Quality of Life.  These benefits are the overflow of God's blessing on leaders who lead God's way.  A life of integrity is a life that is true, consistent, and genuine.  Integrity brings many intrinsic rewards, but tragically some leaders forsake integrity in their quest for success.  The results are disastrous.  Even if they win, they lose.  The following are four rewards inherent in a life lived with integrity.

Integrity at Home

If you want to know what a leader is really like, ask his family.  A leader with integrity will not give his best at work and then serve emotional and physical leftovers to his family.  If a leader is known at work as easy going, quick to forgive, and always willing to go the extra mile, yet she behaves like a short-tempered tyrant at home, she lacks  integrity.

People only have so much time and energy.  if they direct all their reserves to job-related pursuits and don't pace themselves, they will have nothing left, regardless of how much they claim to love God and to love their family.  Conscientious leaders know their priorities, and they order their lives accordingly.

leaders with integrity are purposeful in leading their families just as they are diligent in their work.  They understand that their greatest achievements as leaders should occur in their homes.  if they are zealous in solving problems at work, they are even more earnest in problem solving at home.  If they are known for their courteous and upbeat attitude at work, they are even more so in their home.  If they are respectful of their coworkers, they go to even greater lengths to honor their spouse and children.  leaders who are consistently loving, patient, and kind whether at home or at work prove they are genuine Christian leaders.  Leaders can accomplish marvelous feats in the public eye and be praised as heroes.  But the real heroes are the ones who go home at the end of the day to a family that loves and respects them.

True Christian leaders move their families from where they are to where God wants them to be.  Although they enjoy seeing progress and growth in their organizations, they take even greater delight in seeing growth and maturity in their families.  God has clearly laid out his principles for leading families (Eph. 5:22-6:4).  Those who unwaveringly follow God's instructions will experience success in the most important arena of leadership - their home (Prov 22;6).  As a result, spiritual leaders will leave behind them a "godly seed," which carries out God's purposes generations afterward (Deut. 6:4-9; Mal. 2:11-15).

Integrity at Work

There is a profound reward for people who invest themselves with integrity in their work.  For as long as they lead an organization, Christian leaders give their best.  True leaders stive to do well, not so they will earn a higher salary or gain people's praise, but to honor God. Such leaders go home at the end of the day knowing they did their best.

pastors and counselors are particularly susceptible to sexual temptation because their duties often require them to hear confidential details of the personal lives of emotionally vulnerable people.  These situations are not easy, but wise leaders will remember that no matter where they are, they are in God's presence.

Their obedience to Christ supercedes their obligation to their organization.  Sometimes taking a stand for God's way and refusing to participate in ungodly ventures will cost Christian their leadership positions.  Leaders who put godliness before worldly success can take comfort in knowing their integrity is intact.  Moreover, they can trust God's promise to honor those who honor him (1 Sam. 2:30).  God will not abandon someone who has sought to glorify him.  Christian leaders' main concern regarding their career should be: "What is God's plan at my workplace?"  God's primary concern is advancing his kingdom, not advancing people's careers (Matt. 6:33).  When God calls leaders to new jobs, they should look back over their completed assignments and ask themselves: "While I worked there, was God's will done through my life?"  (Matt. 6:9-10).  If the answer to this question is yes the leader has led with integrity.  Those Christian leaders who refuse to compromise their Christianity while leading their organization will know tremendous satisfaction at the end of their journey, and they will be able to sleep at night along the way.

Integrity in Relationships

Integrity pays some of its largest dividends in the area of relationships.  Some leaders have willingly forsaken relationships through the course of their lives in order to achieve success.  They have alienated friends, colleagues, and family members.  Some ambitious leaders have used people as steppingstones on the path to prosperity.  As a result, they have left a trail of embittered and resentful former friends behind them.  Such leaders are generally lonely people.  By the end of their careers they have little else but their work to occupy them because they have destroyed or neglected most of their relationships.  Wise leaders know that people are never the means to an end; they are the end.  No matter how eager leaders may be to achieve their goals, true leaders will do everything possible to treat others with dignity and to preserve relationships.  They will be above reproach in their dealings with everyone regardless of how they are treated themselves.  Pastoral leaders must understand this truth.  pastors are called to lead people who are usually less mature spiritually then they are.  When these people reveal their immaturity, pastors do not give up on them or steer clear of them.  They help them grow to maturity.  Immature people do not prevent pastors from achieving God's purposes.  The people and their spiritual growth are God's purpose.

Integrity with Self

Every year an alarming number of executives and Christian ministers take their own live.  many do so because they cannot live with the shame and regret they feel for violating their morals and religious convictions.  God gives clear guidance to leaders on how they should conduct themselves.  While some leaders can become hardened to ethical and moral failures, most people know when they have broken their vows to God, to their family, and to themselves.  They stand tried and  condemned by the court of their own conscience.  Those who violate their own standards of decency, morality, and Christian principles are in danger of sacrificing their personal integrity.  If that is lost, nothing else will matter.

On the other hand, those who remain true to their convictions derive great satisfaction in life.  Leaders with integrity will not only know in their hearts how they ought to live; they will steadfastly live out their convictions throughout their lives.

The Rewards of Having Made a Contribution

Contributions to People

Great leaders are people who make those around them better people as well.  leaders should not underestimate the influence their character has on those who follow them.  leaders who invest in people will know the deep satisfaction of seeing these people fulfill God's purposes for their lives.  There is no greater experience for leaders than rejoicing with those who have matured in their faith as a result of their leader's faithfulness.

Contributions to Organizations

Leaders may not always known the full extent of their influence upon people, but their impact upon an organization is more easily measured.  Christian leaders can know tremendous satisfaction when God leads them to a weakened, directionless organization and through them brings renewed strength and purpose.  Many pastors have known the fulfillment of helping a declining church become revitalized.  Truly one of the most satisfying experiences for leaders is leaving their organization stronger than they found it.

Contributions to a Successor

One of the most important, yet often overlooked, responsibilities of leaders is that of leaving a successor.  God gave his people specific instructions concerning how they were to train and prepare the emerging generation of leaders (Deut. 6:6-9; 20-25).  For God's purposes to continue, each generation must be prepared to embrace a fresh relationship of love for him and obedience to his word.  That is why true spiritual leaders are always investing in the next generation of leaders.

Often leaders do not carefully consider their successor until they come to the end of their time as leader.  Many leaders give little thought to the conclusion of their leadership and so they do little to prepare for it.  However, when suddenly faced with leaving their office, they realize that much of their work will have been in vain unless there is a capable successor.  True joy comes in knowing that one's work has been preserved and is continuing due to the leader's careful preparation of a successor.

The Rewards of Relationships

Leaders know that of the many rewards available to them, one of the most treasured is the pleasure that comes from their relationships.  The reward that often brings the greatest satisfaction is knowing they have developed deep, meaningful, and abiding relationships.

Family

Family relationships have the potential to bring leaders both their greatest joy and their deepest grief.  Much depends on how leaders nurture their family relationships.  Wise leaders cherish their relationships with their family.  They find solace in their homes when their world is so hectic.  Wise leaders are diligent to apply godly leadership skills in their homes.  Just as leaders move their organizations to follow God's will, they also seek God's plan for their families.  Just as leaders evaluate their performance as leaders in their organization, they also reflect on their performance as a loving parent and a faithful spouse.  Leading one's family to Christlikeness takes prayer, deliberate choice, and conscientious effort.

Long after a task is done or a project is finished or even a career has ended, the leader's family will continue to provide a deep source of fulfillment.  Christian leaders who have led their families well can generally look for their children to enjoy following their God just as they have.  Knowing that one has led well both at work and at home brings tremendous satisfaction.

Friends

Leadership is not about positions but about relationships - with God and with people.  Since leadership involves working closely with people, deep and lasting friendships can and should develop.  True leaders value people.  One quality that characterized many of history's great leaders was the number of close, loyal friends they enjoyed.  Close friendships are the leader's reward for investing in the lives of people. 

People need to know that their leader cares for them.  Leaders need friends.  The responsibility of leadership can become overwhelming unless leaders are strengthened by strong friendships.  Friendship is an effective stress reliever.  Being able to relax and share one's feeling with concerned friends is critical to a person's mental and emotional health.

Once work is done, or retirement has come, those friendships continue.  Once people no longer hold positions of power and influence, they have an unobstructed view of who their true friends are.  Friendships do not come haphazardly.  They come intentionally.  For leaders who love their people, friendships are inevitable.

The Rewards of influence

There is a final reward that has potential for bringing great satisfaction to leaders, and that is the reward of influence.  It is an influence that comes from an impeccable track record.  leaders are symbols.  At the close of their formal period of leadership, leaders symbolize all that God did during their time of leadership

positive, enduring influence comes from ending a leadership career as well as it was begun.  In other words, it comes through integrity.  often leaders lose their influence because of the poor way they end their official leadership positions.  leaders who overstay their welcome or who alienate themselves from the next generation of leaders forfeit their opportunity to continue exercising influence in their senior years.  The younger generation looks for mentors and consultants.  If all they find is criticism and resistance, they will seek counsel elsewhere.  On the other hand, leaders who graciously encourage the next generation and help them assume leadership roles will continue to make valuable contributions long after the name plate comes off their office door.   leaders who have spent their careers learning anbd growing can find rich contentment sharing their wisdom with others and having their life encourage those who come after them.

Conclusion

Quality of Life is a noble undertaking, but it is something God must assign.  Moving people on to God's plans for them is an exhilarating endeavor.  Helping people grow, mature, and gain new skills is immensely gratifying.  Taking weak, ineffective organizations and transforming them into robust, productive enterprises brings tremendous satisfaction.  Nevertheless, such leadership does not come arbitrarily.  People do not become Christian leaders haphazardly.  They become leaders through the opportunities the Holy Spirit provides as they strive to become the kind of people God desires them to be.  Effective leadership results from hard work and a continuing effort to learn.  Ultimately, Christian leadership comes as a result of the working of the Holy Spirit.  It is the Holy Spirit who reveals God's will to people.  It is the Holy Spirit who equips people to lead others.  It is the Holy Spirit who guides leaders and authenticates their leadership before people.  It is, therefore, essential that leaders cultivate a deeply personal and vibrant relationship with God as they strive to become the kind of leader God wants them to become.

Where do leaders begin when they want to improve their leadership skills?  They begin with God.  They stand before God and ask him to reveal his evaluation of their character and leadership.  Leaders search God's Word to see if their leadership is in keeping with the standards God has clearly established for leaders.  Leaders also take responsibility for what is presently happening in their organizations.  If there are problems, leaders ask, "What is it about my leadership that has allowed this to happen?"  When organizations struggle, genuine leaders don't blame their people; they ask God to show them how to make a positive difference.  Finally, leaders grow.  They learn.  They continue to change until they have the character and walk with God that is required to lead their organization effectively.  Leaders who are willing to make the effort will experience the joy and satisfaction of being used by the Lord to make a significant difference in their world.

What if you have failed in your attempts to be a leader thus far?  Is their any hope?  Yes.  If you sense that God has called you to be a leader but you have failed to lead according to biblical principles, there may still be the opportunity for you to become the leader God wants you to be.  If you know you have neglected areas in your personal growth in your pursuit to lead others, ask God to take you bck to those places in your character in order to develop you properly into the kind of leader that pleases him.  If you have disregarded personal holiness, don't waste another day displeasing God.  You may need immediately to get alone with God and your Bible and allow God to speak to you about changes that must take place in your life before he will use you for his service once again.  if you have broken relationships, or if you have not been leading your family properly, ask God to help you put those areas back in place before you ask him for a new opportunity to lead.  If you have children who have rejected God's Word, daily allow God to mold you into the kind of domestic leader you must be if you are to exert a godly influence upon your family.  The biblical pattern suggests God is sequential in the way he develops leaders.  He will undoubtedly take you back to the steps you bypassed before he will develop you further as a leader.  Don't give up!  Be patient.  Allow God to take all the time he wants to build your character.  If God has called you to lead, he is perfectly capable of developing you into the leader he wants you to be.  No person, no demon, no circumstance, no obstacle can prevent God from accomplishing his will in your life.  It only takes your willingness to obey him and to do what he ask you to do next.

Messages from God

• Job 1;8; Daniel 9:23; Luke 3:22; Luke 18:28-30

• 2 Corinthians 5:9-11

• Acts 13:36

• Philippians 3:14

• Acts 26:19

• John 17:4

• John 19:30

• Ephesians 5:22-6:4

• Ephesians 6:5-9; 1 Timothy 6:1-2

• 1 Corinthians 10:31; Colossians 3:17, 23

• 2 Corinthians 5:9

• Matthew 6:33; Matthew 6:9-10

• 1 Samuel 12:3-5

• Acts 20:18-21

• Romans 8:29

• John 15:12

• 1 Chronicles 11:10-47

• Psalm 92:12-114

• Proverbs 22:6

Student Prayer

Guide my steps, O Lord, that I might always, in every way, be found pleasing in your sight.  Grant me special insight that I might recognize your presence in my life.  Amen.

Homework

1.  Using the Tool-10 minutes
A friend has a child who has just been killed in an auto accident.  You are sitting outside the emergency room, and your grief is aggravated by the fact that you had a rather poor relationship with him or her.  You have the job of ministering in this situation.  A tool I would like to suggest you use in your ministering (when appropriate) is 2 Sam. 18:33, where David grieves over his son's death.  Give yourselves 30 seconds or so to get mentally prepared and then begin sharing with the class as if they were the friend.

2.  Now take five minutes to discuss your role play.  Discuss the following two questions: How did you know if it was appropriate to use this scripture passage?  Was it possible to introduce the Bible passage in a way that sounded smooth and natural?  If so, what made that possible?  If not, what could have been done differently to make a smoother transition into the passage?

3.  God with Me-
God communicates in many ways.  For some it might be through the Bible.  For others, in dreams or through other people.  Take about three minutes to share an experience in your life when it seemed to you that God was speaking loudly and clearly to you through the Bible.

4.  Give a one-sentence prayer of thanks to god that he communicates with his people.

Closing

God speaks and things happen: People are

confronted,
Challenged,
Healed,
forgiven.

God speaks and things happen: People are

helped,
motivated,
transformed,
made whole.

God speaks: Let's celebrate!

Amen.