Criticism

“Let me introduce you to several kinds of people who express various forms of destructive criticism.  First are the blamers.  They avoid accepting responsibility for their actions by criticizing other people or blaming past experiences which cannot be changed or undone….
Another negative critic is the hurtful joker.  Humor is a positive method of relating to others … But hurtful jokers make others the butt of their humor.  They specialize in laughing with them….
A third kind of critic is the fault-finder.  This person seems to have an insatiable need to point out others’ defects….  And do you know what is so maddening about this person?  He usually does what he does with a smile, saying, “I’m just trying to be helpful.” …
Another kind of critic at large in the world is the cannibal.  These people don’t criticize in a joking manner or settle for mere nitpicking.  They go for the jugular….  They attack through the most severe3 forms of personal criticism and put downs  with complete disregard for the feelings of others….
Destruction critics may say they are only interested in remodeling you into a better person by sharing a little constructive criticism.  But in reality, [these] critics … are intent on putting you down, tearing you down, punishing you and manipulating you.  Their brand of criticism does not nourish; it poisons….
When you are the target of another person’s destructive criticism, the natural response is to become defensive.  But in reality, the least effective way to respond to criticism is to defend yourself, make excuses, or counterattack….
Remind yourself that you are responsible to answer to God and to yourself, not to the critical person.  Being responsible to God, you look to Him for direction and approval.  Being responsible to yourself, you take ownership of your feelings, attitudes, and behavior.  If you are aligned with God and with what He wants you to be, you don’t need to fear criticism or try to justify your position.  You have the power to make your own choices and grow through the experience of criticism.
As a non-defensive person, you respect and feel good about yourself.  You believe in your worth and your capabilities.  You possess your own identity and sense of security.  Being non-defensive, you can listen to others more objectively and evaluate better what they are saying, even when they express themselves in a negative manner.  You can accept the critical person for who he is, even if you don’t agree with him.  You can accept his right to see the world as he sees it, whether or not it coincides with your view.  You’re able to relate to him without making disparaging comments or negative judgments about him.

(From How to Get Along with Almost Anyone by H. Norman Wright)

Job 6:24

“All I want is a reasonable answer—then I will keep quiet. Tell me, what have I done wrong?

Job 19:3-5

Ten times now you have meant to insult me. You should be ashamed of dealing with me so harshly.

It is easy to point out someone else’s faults or sins. Job’s friends accused him of sin to make him feel guilty, not to encourage or correct him. If we feel we must admonish someone, we should be sure we are confronting that person because we love him, not because we are annoyed, inconvenienced, or seeking to blame him.

Proverbs 10:17

People who accept correction are on the pathway to life, but those who ignore it will lead others astray.

Proverbs 27:6

Wounds from a friend are better than many kisses from an enemy.

Who would prefer a friend’s wounds to an enemy’s kisses? Anyone who considers the source. A friend who has your best interests at heart may have to give you unpleasant advice at times, but you know it is for your own good. An enemy, by contrast, may whisper sweet words and happily send you on your way to ruin. We tend to hear what we want to hear, even if an enemy is the only one who will say it. A friend’s advice, no matter how painful, is much better.

My Ramblings

What is your first response to criticism?  Are you thin-skinned, touchy, or sensitive?  Ask God to help you listen with interest.  Take the criticism, evaluate it, and apply what will be helpful.

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